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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The charts detail the proportion of Australian secondary school graduates who were unemployed, employed or further education in 1980, 1990, and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The charts detail the proportion of Australian secondary school graduates who were unemployed, employed or further education in 1980, 1990, and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
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The pie graphs give information about the percentage of particularly high school graduates in Australia who had a job, did not have a job or had
further
Linking Words
 education in three years including 1980 9090 and 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that people who completed their education had the highest level in the first year.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Australians who were employed were the highest in the second and the third year. The ratio of unemployed was the lowest in the whole given years.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the proportion of individuals who worked after high school in Australia was
initially
Linking Words
 40 per
cent
Use synonyms
, and it had a significant increase in 1990 to 50% and had a slight rise in 2000 to 55 per
cent
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, the number of unemployment experienced fluctuation, it stood at 10 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in 1980, and it continued to increase slightly in 1990 to 12 per
cent
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 it had a drop in 2000 to 80 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the rate of graduates who had a
further
Linking Words
 education witnessed a significant decline in 1990 from 50% to 38 percentage.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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