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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Today social skills are being more and more emphasized by employers. Some people believe that social skills are important besides good qualifications for their job success. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#skills #employers #people #qualifications #job #success
It is admitted that good social
skills
 are crucial to support
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals for their job success
besides
 their decent qualifications. I firmly agree with
this
 statement, considering some advantages
by
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of
show examples
 owning social
skills
.
To begin
 with, it is undeniable that having good qualifications is essential for employees to manage their tasks.
However
, if somebody has good social
skills
, they will flourish their personality
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can help them to socialize with other employees. I believe that
people
 with good social
skills
 tend to be more adaptive to any
situations
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situation
show examples
 or social
environments
Fix the agreement mistake
environment
show examples
, because of their
ability
 to manage which behaviour
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is necessary to
do to
Verb problem
apply
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deal with
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of conditions. If they are dealing with
costumers
Correct your spelling
customers
show examples
 or clients,
for instance
, they will behave as
professional
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professionals
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 to obtain
trusts
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trust
show examples
 from those clients. In
this
 case,
people
 with good social
ability
 have more
successes
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success
show examples
 compared to others who do not have any knowledge related to social relationships.
In addition
, because of their social
ability
 to deal with different
kind
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kinds
show examples
 of groups,
people
 who are capable
to perform
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of performing
show examples
 social
skills
 are predicted to have
good
Correct article usage
a good
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 future in careers. I strongly believe
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 statement considering the fact that nowadays,
ability
Correct article usage
the ability
show examples
 to cooperate with other individuals is a strategy to achieve success in the
workforces
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workforce
show examples
.
On the other hand
,
people
 who
own
Verb problem
have
show examples
 good
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 in socializing are more open to criticisms
as well as
sugestions
Correct your spelling
suggestions
.
Therefore
, they will have more perspectives compared to
people
 who do not
own
Verb problem
have
show examples
 social
skills
.
For example
,
people
 who get advice from their colleagues will have others'
point
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points
show examples
 of view on something that could be helpful to them to think critically
,
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apply
show examples
 and to make
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 better. In conclusion, it is essential for individuals to have good social
skills
 to be successful in their
carreer
Correct your spelling
careers
 because they facilitate your personality to be more versatile
to
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in
show examples
 any
situations
Fix the agreement mistake
situation
show examples
.
Submitted by firmansyahafandy99 on

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style
Avoid repetitive phrases such as 'I believe' and 'I strongly believe.' Varying your language will make your essay more engaging.
clarity
Some sentences are a bit long and complex. Try to use shorter, clearer sentences to improve readability.
accuracy
Remember to proofread your essay for minor errors in spelling (e.g., 'carreer' instead of 'career') and punctuation.
introduction
Your introduction clearly states your position and previews the main points you'll discuss in the essay.
evidence
You have effectively used examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.
structure
The essay maintains a good overall structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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