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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The following two pie charts show the results of a survey into the popularity of various leisure activities among European adults in 1985 and 1995. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 word

The following two pie charts show the results of a survey into the popularity of various leisure activities among European adults in 1985 and 1995. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 word
#two #show #results #survey #popularity #leisure #activities #european #adults #summarise #information #features #comparisons #word
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Linking Words
This
Correct determiner usage
These
show examples
 two pie
chart
Fix the agreement mistake
charts
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illustrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrate
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results
Correct article usage
the results
show examples
 of a survey
into
Change preposition
of
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 the popular leisure activities among European adults in 1985 and 1995. First of all, there are 5 categories that European children were used to in 1985. It was watching TV(32%) ,talking with friends(21%), eating out(23%) ,talking with their family (18%) and other occupations.
Secondly
Linking Words
, in 1995, there were 6 activities that adults were really into. But,
in
Change preposition
apply
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this
Linking Words
 year the most useful activities were watching television 30% and playing computer games
for
Change preposition
apply
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27%.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, talking with friends and
with
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apply
show examples
family members was the least important thing that grownups forget.
Overall
Linking Words
, in these two different
years
Add a comma
years,
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 there were dissimilar lifestyles.
Although
Linking Words
, spending time in front of
tv
Add an article
the tv
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 was the highest percentage, and the lowest percentage was making conversation with their parents.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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