Some people have argued that videogames are a waste of time, and people should spend their time and money on better hobbies. Compare and contrast the benefits of video games with other hobbies. In your opinion, which is more useful? Why?
Nowadays, some individuals believe that playing
video
Use synonyms
games
is a totally Use synonyms
time wasting
activity. Add a hyphen
time-wasting
Linking Words
Also
they thought that gamers should spend their money and time on more useful Add a comma
Also,
activities
than Use synonyms
video
Use synonyms
games
. I partly agree Use synonyms
that
opinion because Change preposition
with that
video
Use synonyms
games
can make Use synonyms
people
more collaborate and Use synonyms
learn
them how to deal with losing. Verb problem
teach
However
, It may cause some anger and health problems too.
Linking Words
Video
Use synonyms
games
have pros and cons. Use synonyms
However
, It depends on how they use it. It can make Linking Words
people
more cooperative or they can learn Use synonyms
dealing
with Change the verb form
to deal
the
disappointment. Correct article usage
apply
For instance
, If they play football Linking Words
games
Use synonyms
which
they should be aware Correct pronoun usage
apply
about
football Change the preposition
of
match
Fix the agreement mistake
matches
while
Linking Words
they
clicking the right buttons can enhance their co-operate skills and when they lose more and more they can deal with it more and more too. Correct pronoun usage
apply
Nevertheless
, Excessive gaming Linking Words
cause
losing yourself, be very angry and Replace the word
causes
also
Linking Words
some
eye problems Add a missing verb
have some
due to
exposure to bluescreen and inactivity. Linking Words
Moreover
, there Linking Words
are
some news about some Correct subject-verb agreement
is
gamer
Fix the agreement mistake
gamers
died
or Wrong verb form
dying
lost
their eyesight Wrong verb form
losing
as a result
of bluescreen and passivity.
There are other Linking Words
activities
which can be more beneficial to Use synonyms
people
like reading,writing and art maybe. Use synonyms
These kind
of Change the determiner
This kind
These kinds
activities
force the brain to work Use synonyms
while
they learn new things. Linking Words
For example
, a new word or a new art technique. Linking Words
Linking Words
Also
these Add a comma
Also,
activities
do not cause eye, health or anger issues.
Use synonyms
To sum up
, I partly believe that other Linking Words
activities
are more advantageous than Use synonyms
video
Use synonyms
games
to Use synonyms
people
. Use synonyms
However
, If Linking Words
people
limit themselves Use synonyms
video
Use synonyms
games
can be a beneficial activity too but, most of them cannot deal with losing and Use synonyms
has
some rage moments Correct subject-verb agreement
have
while
playing Linking Words
video
Use synonyms
games
.Use synonyms
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logical structure
Try to improve the logical structure of your essay. Although you have presented your main points, the arguments could be organized more effectively to ensure a smoother flow between paragraphs.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ensure the evidence and examples you provide are more comprehensive. Including specific data and complete examples can make your arguments more persuasive.
complete response
When presenting counterarguments, spend some more words refuting them to clearly communicate your standpoint.
introduction conclusion present
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a well-rounded discussion of the topic.
relevant specific examples
The use of relevant specific examples, such as the reference to football games, helps illustrate your points effectively.