IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below show the employment rate of each gender in four different countries in 2002.

The graph below show the employment rate of each gender in four different countries in 2002.
The bar graphs demonstrate the
employment
Use synonyms
rates
Use synonyms
 by
gender
Use synonyms
 in four different countries – Norway,
Finland
Use synonyms
,
Chile
Use synonyms
, and South Africa – in 2002. One notable observation is Norway’s highest
employment
Use synonyms
rates
Use synonyms
, which recorded almost 80% for both male and female workers. It was
then
Linking Words
 followed by
Finland
Use synonyms
, showing
also
Linking Words
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
significant
righ
Correct your spelling
right
employment
Use synonyms
rates
Use synonyms
, with figures of over 60% for both
Use synonyms
gender
Change to a plural noun
genders
show examples
. Meanwhile,
Chile
Use synonyms
 had a slightly higher men’s
employment
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 than
Finland
Use synonyms
, but
it’s
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 women’s
rate
Use synonyms
 was sharply low, only reaching 35%.
While
Linking Words
 the
employment
Use synonyms
rates
Use synonyms
 of South
Afirca
Correct your spelling
Africa
 were,
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 average, lower than the
employment
Use synonyms
rates
Use synonyms
 of
Chile
Use synonyms
,
it’s
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 women
rate
Use synonyms
 was slightly higher, with almost 40%.
Overall
Linking Words
, in 2002, the
employment
Use synonyms
rates
Use synonyms
 of Norway and
Finland
Use synonyms
 marked evenly high scores and showed no big differences by
gender
Use synonyms
, the
employment
Use synonyms
rates
Use synonyms
 of
Chile
Use synonyms
 had
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
 gap in the
employment
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 between men and women and South Africa showed little differences
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
gender
Use synonyms
 compared to
Chile
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Contractions: Don't use contractions.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words employment, rates, gender, finland, chile, rate with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "differences" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: