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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening.)

The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening.)
#hours #work #week #people #categories #activities #childcare #home #housework
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The graph demonstrates the unpaid working
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
show examples
 by married
men
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 and
women
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 in different categories,
for example
Linking Words
, with different numbers of
children
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.
To begin
Linking Words
, married
women
Use synonyms
's unpaid working
hours
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 rise when they have more
children
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. The
unmber
Correct your spelling
number
 of unpaid working
hours
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 of
women
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 with three or more
children
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 is double of
women
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 without
children
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, which is as high as 60
hours
Use synonyms
 per week. Meanwhile, there is no obvious difference in
men
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's unpaid working
hours
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 when they have more
children
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. The numbers remain at 17-20
hours
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 per week. At the same time, married
women
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's unpaid working
hours
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 far beyond that of married
men
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's.
While
Linking Words
 the number of
diference
Correct your spelling
differences
 is higher than 3.5 times when they have three or more
children
Use synonyms
 in their family. In conclusion, married
women
Use synonyms
's average
hours
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 of unpaid work
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 much higher than married
men
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's
hours
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. When the family has more
children
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, the unpaid work of
women
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increase
Change the verb form
increases
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 the unpaid work of married
men
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 did not
shown
Change the verb form
show
show examples
large
Add an article
a large
show examples
 difference
Submitted by asllchkied on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, children, hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • distribution
  • demographics
  • household responsibilities
  • societal expectations
  • norms
  • childcare
  • housework
  • gardening
  • contributions
  • family structure
  • cultural implications
  • social implications
  • work-life balance
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