The pie chart below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in new zealand in 2003 and 2013. Summarise the information by selcting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

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The diagrams provided illustrate the revenue of different industries online in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013. The four sectors described in the diagram are travel, film and music, books and clothes.

Overall

, spending on books online changed the least

while

spending on film and music increased the most. In 2003, tourism generated the majority of the online profit, followed by clothes. Those two sectors combined make up to 60% of the entire

years

Change noun form

year's

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income from websites on the internet. It is noteworthy to mention that reading materials revenue on the internet was under

one fifth

Add a hyphen

one-fifth

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of the total profit. Moving on to 2013, there was an observed 12% shift towards buying movies and audio and a decline in both travel-related purchasing and worn goods. In comparison to 2003, film and music combined with the clothes sector were responsible for the largest proportion of the money generated online in 2013.

Submitted by shoshba99 on Fri Jul 26 2024

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.

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Vocabulary: The word "diagrams" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.

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2
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

150 words

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The pie chart below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in new zealand in 2003 and 2013. Summarise the information by selcting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people say it is important to keep your home and your workplace tidy, with everything organised and in the correct place. What is your opinion about this? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Overpopulation in many major urban centers around the world is a major problem. What are the causes of this? How can this problem be solved?