task1 the graph below gives iformation on the numbers of participants for different activities (film club -martial arts -amateur dramatics -table tennis -musical performances) at one social center in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020

#iformation #numbers #participants #activities #film #club #arts #-amateur #dramatics #-table #tennis #performances #center #melbourne #australia #period

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

The line

grahp

Correct your spelling

graph

provides key information about the figures of

people

Use synonyms

who take a

patr

Correct your spelling

part

for some activities at

social

Add an article

a social

show examples

center

Change the spelling

centre

show examples

in Australia specifically in Melbourne

Change preposition

from

show examples

2000 to 2020 First of all, there were

not

Correct your spelling

show examples

people

Use synonyms

joined

Correct pronoun usage

who joined

show examples

musical performances in 2000 and 2005. In 2010 the number of participants increased to 10

person

Change to a plural noun

people

show examples

Secondly

Linking Words

, table tennis and amateur dramatics in 2000 were

alomst

Correct your spelling

almost

15 and 25, respectively. It is

also

Linking Words

important to highlight that, both table tennis and amateur dramatics were

Correct your spelling

the

seem

Correct your spelling

same

show examples

number of

people

Use synonyms

who joined the

club

Use synonyms

in 2010, at 20

person

Change to a plural noun

people

show examples

However

Linking Words

, martial arts in 2000 was around 35

person

Fix the agreement mistake

people

show examples

In addition

Linking Words

, martial arts peaked in 2010.

Moreover

Linking Words

, film

Use synonyms

club

Fix the agreement mistake

clubs

show examples

alomst

Correct your spelling

almost

the trend steady

Change preposition

apply

show examples

over the 20 years.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, film

Use synonyms

club

Fix the agreement mistake

clubs

show examples

decreased in 2010 than

jumbed

Correct your spelling

jumped

jumbled

in 2020.

To sum up

Linking Words

, we could say that,

film

Correct article usage

the film

show examples

club

Use synonyms

was the

most

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

activitie

Correct your spelling

activity

people

Use synonyms

enjoyed comparison with musical performances.

Submitted by joudaalhammadi on Fri Jul 26 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

▼

Introduction: The introduction is missing.

▼

Introduction: The chart intro is missing.

▼

Introduction: The chart intro is missing.

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words people, club with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.

▼

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

153 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
Many governments think that economic progress is the most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both views and give your opinion
These days, many governments claim that economic growth is the most crucial prospect for countries, however, some people advocate that other fields, such as education and health centres, equally deserve to be taken into consideration by the government. While economic progress may have a strong influence on the lives of the public in different ways, l admit that education and health-related progress can have more benefits.
4.5
band
Some people think that success in life comes from ard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Dicuss both views and give your opinion
A small number of individual believe that working hard and consideration are the life success key. While others just that finance and appearance is the key to get achieve in life. This author will explain both views and will give my own opinion.
5
band
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Many people in poor countries die from diseases that are curable because they cannot afford the medication required. Do you believe that drug companies should make their products available at reduced prices in these countries? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.
Most people who live in poor countries die from diseases that could be healed by using medication. Because they cannot afford the price of the treatment. Therefore, some crowd think drug companies could decrease the prices to those people can pay for it. In my opinion, decreasing medicine prices is not enough to avoid a high death rates in those countries.
<4
band
Some people argue that if children behave badly, their parents should accept responsibility and also be punished for the behavior of their children. Do you agree or disagree with the statement?
Many people are arguing that guardience shuold be taken responsible and acceptable while their kids has shown a badly bahavier. Despite of that people say parents must punished children and took responsibility of their own. I strongly agree with the topic which said a child should be punished once they are badly in bahave.
5.5
band
There is an increase in the number of parents choosing educate their children themselves at home instead of sending them to schools. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
The preference of educating children at home by parents over letting them join in a traditional class setting has seen a sharp growth recently. From my point of view, this phenomenon may bring more demerits than their counterparts.

task1 the graph below gives iformation on the numbers of participants for different activities (film club -martial arts -amateur dramatics -table tennis -musical performances) at one social center in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020

Many governments think that economic progress is the most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some people think that success in life comes from ard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Dicuss both views and give your opinion

Some people argue that if children behave badly, their parents should accept responsibility and also be punished for the behavior of their children. Do you agree or disagree with the statement?

There is an increase in the number of parents choosing educate their children themselves at home instead of sending them to schools. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?