The table shows data about the average income for one person in dollars, across two different age groups: under 18 and over 60, as well as the percentage of the poor population in three states in the US, namely California, Utah, and Florida

The table shows data about the average income for one person in dollars, across two different age groups: under 18 and over 60, as well as the percentage of the poor population in three states in the US, namely California, Utah, and Florida
The diagram illustrates the average earning per person in dollars for two age categories of under 18 and over 60, and the proportions of the
people
living in poverty in the states of
California
, Utah, and
Florida
in the US.
Over all
Correct your spelling
Overall
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, it is noticeable that
California
has the largest
group
of poor
people
, and the richest average individual,
while
Utal has the least one.
In addition
, Utal has the biggest
group
of youth under 18 and the least elders over 60, and
contrast
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in contrast
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Florida
has the least young
people
and most old inhabitants. The average income per person in
California
is 23000$, followed by
Florida
at 22000$, and utal is the lowest one at 17000$ individually. The percentage of
people
living in poor in
California
is 16%, followed by
Florida
and Utal at 12% and 95 respectively. When it comes to age, the
group
under 18 accounts for 28% in Utal, 17% in
California
, and 16% in
Florida
.
However
, Utal has only 8% old
people
over 60 years old,
while
the same
group
in
California
occupied 13%, and 23% for
Florida
.
Submitted by mikezhao223 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, california, florida, group with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.

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