Because of the global economy, many goods including what we use as daily basics produced by other counties have to be transported for a long distance. To what extent do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
These days because of
global
Add an article
the global
economy
, most of products
we use including what Add an article
the products
are
used Change the verb form
is
as
our basic and daily use are produced by other counties. Change preposition
for
as
a result, they must be transported Capitalize word
As
for
a long way. Change preposition
apply
This
essay is going to discuss the advantages which will outweigh the disadvantages.
Firstly
, one of the merits of this
process which will bring to the country economy
is that,
counties could have good wealth too, Remove the comma
apply
besides
capital cities or main cities, by selling their products
. So, their citizens are not forced to travel to the capital city for a better life. Consequently
, this
operation may lead to the growth of financial
Correct article usage
the financial
economy
system; to be more specific, imagine a dairy farm. By producing milk, cheese or yogurt and selling them to other cities there will be a great deal of progress in finance. In addition
, by
paying taxes Change preposition
apply
it
would help the government too.
Correct pronoun usage
apply
Secondly
, another positive point could be the rise in the number of jobs and businesses which are created for it. For instance
, transporting the goods to the required destination needs a transport company. This
company is going to have many workers. Subsequently
, we will face a variety of free jobs which people can apply in
for. Change preposition
apply
Therefore
“if you start up a small business and have customers to give services, you at least have made jobs for 20 people,” said university
of Capitalize word
University
Tehran
Change noun form
Tehran's
economy
professor Ali Ahmadi.
In contrast
, there are some disadvantages. The significant demerit is that,
the Remove the comma
apply
products
will be no longer used because of the damages along the long distance of travel. Researches
Fix the agreement mistake
Research
have
shown, Correct subject-verb agreement
has
yearly
about 25 Correct word choice
that yearly
percent
of goods which are made are no longer in use Change the spelling
per cent
due to
harms
. To be exact; 10% by the weather, 9% in car accidents,Fix the agreement mistake
harm
6
% by Correct word choice
and 6
being
theft.
In conclusion, as can be seen from the points made in the essay there are both downfalls and good points. Unnecessary verb
apply
However
, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. In addition
, despite of long distance
it is nice to have our daily Add a comma
distance,
products
be made by
other Change preposition
in
counties
.Correct your spelling
countries
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task achievement
Refine the introduction by appropriately setting the context before presenting the thesis statement. For instance, briefly mention the global economy's impact on production and transportation.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition and ensure a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs. Linking words and phrases can help achieve this.
task achievement
Address the grammatical inaccuracies and improve the overall syntax to ensure clarity and readability.
supported main points
Clarify the examples and explain them more effectively to better support your arguments. Each example should directly relate to the point being discussed.
task achievement
The essay effectively identifies and discusses the advantages and disadvantages of transporting goods over long distances.
clear comprehensive ideas
You have provided clear main points and substantial arguments to support the advantages outweighing the disadvantages.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively sums up the essay and reinforces your viewpoint, which is crucial for a balanced essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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