Topic:Nowadays, children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some think that these activities are not beneficial for a child’s mental health.
Recently, many people began to massively discuss the question whether it is worth
Change preposition
of
Correct pronoun usage
it that
that
Correct word choice
for
children
can spend time
with
playing Change preposition
apply
pc
Correct your spelling
PC
games
and watch
TV as much as they want or not,and Wrong verb form
watching
this
became
the most common topic.Wrong verb form
has become
While
one side strongly and persistently supports that children
need freedom and can do whatever they want, there is another side who
thinks that Correct pronoun usage
that
children
need restrictions to prevent them from becoming dishonest in the future, and they not going to change their opinion. In this
essay, i
will consider both points of view and try to draw some Change the capitalization
I
conclusion
.
From one perspective, it is commonly argued by some groups of people that Fix the agreement mistake
conclusions
children
are young and they have the right to play games
and have fun unlimitedly. The first argument that they bring in order to support their point of view is that if children
are not allowed to play games
, they will have hidden hatred towards their parents.For instance
, in California
there was a boy who really loved to play Add a comma
California,
games
, but his parents constantly forbade him to do this
and he once ran away from home and did not return alive. Another reason why they claim is that games
for children
are not only harmful,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
useful, which develop reactions and thinking. That is
why there is no need to limit the time
your child spends playing games
.
From other perspective
, despite mentioned Change the wording
another perspective
other perspectives
counter arguments
, it is thought by Add a hyphen
counter-arguments
other
that it is not worth spoiling Fix the agreement mistake
others
children
, and it is necessary to set a limit to spending time
with games
and watch
TV. They think Wrong verb form
watching
this
is true due to
the fact that if always allow them to play as much as they want, then
in the future they will completely stop obeying their parents.To give an example the Internet is full of games
that have a very bad effect on a child’s psyche and he can completely lose control and this
is obviously very bad. Thus
it makes it clear that It is necessary to set limits on children
's games
.
To conclude
, although
some people support the idea that children
can spend time
playing games
and watching TV unlimitedly, others advocate that children
need restrictions when playing games
. From my personal point Correct your spelling
of
if
view
I believe that Correct your spelling
of
children
should be given a limit on spending time
playing games
because this
has a very bad effect on the child in all respects.Submitted by shakhzod0905 on
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task response
The essay could benefit from a clearer introduction that better outlines the main points that will be discussed. This adds to the reader's understanding from the beginning.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are a bit difficult to follow due to grammatical errors, especially in the second paragraph. Consider revising these for better clarity.
task response
While the essay presents both perspectives, it would be more effective to strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the key points made throughout the essay.
task response
The essay appropriately addresses both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
The use of examples, such as the story of the boy in California, strengthens the argument and provides a clear, specific illustration of the point being made.
logical structure
The essay has a logical flow, moving from the introduction of the issue to discussing each side's viewpoints, and finally, offering a personal opinion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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