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Writing Samples
Band 5

The graphs below show the number of enrolments into three higher education faculties in the UK. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graphs below show the number of enrolments into three higher education faculties in the UK. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The data show how many people enrolled
into
Change preposition
on
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 three UK higher education faculties over a period of 4 decades. The data cover the faculties of Sciences, Arts ,and Business. 
Overall
Linking Words
, enrolment in the three faculties has risen, and more
men
Use synonyms
 than
women
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 have taken up study. In 1980, Arts was the only faculty that enrolled more
women
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 than
men
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, at around 300
thousand
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, exceeding
men
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 by a ratio of 2:1.
However
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, by 2010 over 600
thousand
Use synonyms
men
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 had enrolled, surpassing
women
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 by around a third.
By contrast
Linking Words
, Sciences enrolled more
men
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 in the 1980s, but by 2010 was the only sector with more
women
Use synonyms
 than
men
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 in its cohort; the number of
men
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 rose steadily from around 210
thousand
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 to just below 700
thousand
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. Whilst the number of
women
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 remained relatively stable through
to
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apply
show examples
the early 1990s, there was
then
Linking Words
 a steep increase which saw
women
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 marginally exceed
men
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 by 2010. The Faculty of Business saw the most fluctuation. Around 100
thousand
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women
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 entered at the beginning of the period,
together with
Linking Words
 around 250
thousand
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men
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. By 2010 there had been a
three fold
Correct your spelling
threefold
show examples
 increase in
women
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 registrants, and male entry had risen to around 460
thousand
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.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, thousand with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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