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Band 5.5

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #percentages #men #women #employment #four #countries #summarise #information #features #comparisons
These bar charts illustrate the
number
 of both
gender
Change to a plural noun
genders
show examples
have
Correct pronoun usage
who have
show examples
 60 to 64 years old employment in the year 1970 and 2000 in Belgium ,
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 ,
Jaban
Correct your spelling
Japan
 and Australia .
Over all
Correct your spelling
Overall
show examples
, we can see that
men
acoount
Correct your spelling
account
high
Fix the agreement mistake
for a higher
show examples
number
 in
compares
Replace the word
comparison
show examples
 with
women
 in both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1970 and 2000 year in all
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
aged
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 and countries below.
According to
 what is shown ,
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1970
Belgium
Change preposition
in Belgium
show examples
men
mekes
Correct your spelling
made
 up 79%
while
women's
Change preposition
in women's
show examples
 per cent only 8 .
Morover
Correct your spelling
Moreover
Americam
Correct your spelling
American
men
 are seventy-three
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 and
women's
Change noun form
women
show examples
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 thirty-sex. Coming to
Japanes
Correct your spelling
Japan
, their man
reacheved
Correct your spelling
reached
 the highest
number
 about 85%
as well as
 their
women
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 43% .
Last
Change the article
The last
show examples
 nationality is
Autralia
Correct your spelling
Australia
man's
Fix the agreement mistake
Men's
show examples
 are 76%
while
women
16
Add a missing verb
are 16
show examples
%. By 2000
Belgium
Change noun form
Belgium's
show examples
man's
Fix the agreement mistake
men's
show examples
and
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
 percentage has
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
.
Further
 , USA
womwn
Correct your spelling
women
number
rise
Change the verb form
rises
show examples
 to 39%.
To sum up
, we could say that
men
 in both Japan and Australia
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
low
Correct article usage
a low
show examples
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 in 2000
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
comperes
Correct your spelling
compared
show examples
 with 1970.
While
 Aurtraliam
women
 are above twenty
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Submitted by weed92xx on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, men, women, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • employment rate
  • percentage
  • trend
  • significant change
  • overall employment
  • societal changes
  • economic conditions
  • government policies
  • compare
  • highlight
  • individual country analysis
  • increased/decreased
  • similarities and differences
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