Topic:Nowadays, children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some think that these activities are not beneficial for a child’s mental health

#topic #children #tv #video #games #think #activities #child’s #health

In many families, there are

children

that

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

play

games

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

and watch

a lot. A group of people persistently approve that

children

should be given strict limits on the

time

they spend on

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

recreational activities,

while

other groups strongly support that

children

have

whole

Add an article

the whole

show examples

right to play

games

and watch

as long as they want.

This

essay offers advantages and disadvantages and

also

I'll show my point of view. On the one hand, video

games

and watching

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

beneficial to the

children

’s morals and their thinking

time

First,

many

shows made for

children

, have their underlying lessons in each storyline that reflect how our society works.

Hence

children

have a chance to absorb

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

types of lessons in a more family-friendly way.

Also

Add a comma

Also,

show examples

they will have a clear vision of distinguishing rights and wrongs.

Second,

playing video

games

moderately can boost the

children

’s

reactions

Change the noun form

reaction

show examples

time

as they have to use different buttons at a fast speed to correspond to the game’s quest. From

other perspective

Change the wording

another perspective

other perspectives

show examples

, a group of people argue that

children

should not play and watch a lot of

.The first argument that supports their opinion is that if don't put a limit on spending

time

playing

games

and watching

then

in the future they will become retarded from other people and will not obey their parents.

For instance

, the

screen and the device they play on can ruin their eyesight and in the future,

due to

poor eyesight, they will not be hired for normal jobs. Another common fact

that

Add a missing verb

is that

show examples

they will have mental irritability, which is very bad for health and for its

further

existence.

Thats

Correct your spelling

That's

show examples

why

children

should be prohibited from spending unlimited

time

playing

games

and watching

. All in all, there are some

argue

Correct pronoun usage

who argue

show examples

that playing video

games

and watching

might have negative effects on

children

, but

advantages

Correct article usage

the advantages

show examples

from

Change preposition

show examples

these experiences far outweigh the disadvantages.

Submitted by shakhzod0905 on Thu Aug 01 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details. This will improve the logical structure.

task achievement

Avoid generalizations and assumptions. Use specific, relevant examples to support points.

coherence cohesion

Use connecting words and phrases to smoothly transition between ideas and paragraphs.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, outlining the topic and summarizing the main points.

task achievement

The writer attempts to address both sides of the argument, showing awareness of different perspectives.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

319 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic:Nowadays, children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some think that these activities are not beneficial for a child’s mental health

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Waste disposal presents increasing problems, especially in urban areas. What do you think are the causes? Give some suggestion to the government and individuals on how to reduce the amount of rubbish.

It is becoming increasingly popular for school leavers to take a year off (a gap year) before going to university. Do the advantages of this outweigh any disadvantages?

some children spend hours every day on their smartphones Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

People try new dangerous sports such as sky-diving or rock climbing. Should such sports be banned?