Topic:Nowadays, children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some think that these activities are not beneficial for a child’s mental health

#topic #children #tv #video #games #think #activities #child’s #health

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In many families, there are

children

Use synonyms

that

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

play

games

Use synonyms

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

and watch

Use synonyms

a lot. A group of people persistently approve that

children

Use synonyms

should be given strict limits on the

time

Use synonyms

they spend on

Linking Words

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

recreational activities,

while

Linking Words

other groups strongly support that

children

Use synonyms

have

whole

Add an article

the whole

show examples

right to play

games

Use synonyms

and watch

Use synonyms

as long as they want.

This

Linking Words

essay offers advantages and disadvantages and

also

Linking Words

I'll show my point of view. On the one hand, video

games

Use synonyms

and watching

Use synonyms

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

beneficial to the

children

Use synonyms

’s morals and their thinking

time

Use synonyms

First,

Linking Words

many

Use synonyms

shows made for

children

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, have their underlying lessons in each storyline that reflect how our society works.

Hence

Linking Words

children

Use synonyms

have a chance to absorb

Linking Words

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

types of lessons in a more family-friendly way.

Linking Words

Also

Add a comma

Also,

show examples

they will have a clear vision of distinguishing rights and wrongs.

Second,

Linking Words

playing video

games

Use synonyms

moderately can boost the

children

Use synonyms

’s

reactions

Change the noun form

reaction

show examples

time

Use synonyms

as they have to use different buttons at a fast speed to correspond to the game’s quest. From

other perspective

Change the wording

another perspective

other perspectives

show examples

, a group of people argue that

children

Use synonyms

should not play and watch a lot of

Use synonyms

.The first argument that supports their opinion is that if don't put a limit on spending

time

Use synonyms

playing

games

Use synonyms

and watching

Use synonyms

then

Linking Words

in the future they will become retarded from other people and will not obey their parents.

For instance

Linking Words

, the

Use synonyms

screen and the device they play on can ruin their eyesight and in the future,

due to

Linking Words

poor eyesight, they will not be hired for normal jobs. Another common fact

that

Add a missing verb

is that

show examples

they will have mental irritability, which is very bad for health and for its

further

Linking Words

existence.

Thats

Correct your spelling

That's

show examples

why

children

Use synonyms

should be prohibited from spending unlimited

time

Use synonyms

playing

games

Use synonyms

and watching

Use synonyms

. All in all, there are some

argue

Correct pronoun usage

who argue

show examples

that playing video

games

Use synonyms

and watching

Use synonyms

might have negative effects on

children

Use synonyms

, but

advantages

Correct article usage

the advantages

show examples

from

Change preposition

show examples

these experiences far outweigh the disadvantages.

Submitted by shakhzod0905 on Thu Aug 01 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details. This will improve the logical structure.

task achievement

Avoid generalizations and assumptions. Use specific, relevant examples to support points.

coherence cohesion

Use connecting words and phrases to smoothly transition between ideas and paragraphs.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, outlining the topic and summarizing the main points.

task achievement

The writer attempts to address both sides of the argument, showing awareness of different perspectives.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

319 words

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Topic:Nowadays, children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some think that these activities are not beneficial for a child’s mental health

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

The breakthroughs in medical science are by far the most significant advances in world scoeity over the the last two centuries. Dicuss this statement and give your opinion

People feel that educational success is dependent on having a good teacher, others say it depends not the attitude of the student. Discuss both side and state your opinion*

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

Do children behave better when they are physically punished or rewarded? Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Over time, as children grow older, the relationship they have with their parents changes. In your opinion, what role should parents have in their adult children’s lives?