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Band 4

Part 1. The bar chart shows the percentage of school children learning to play different musical instrument in 2005, 2010 and 2015. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1. The bar chart shows the percentage of school children learning to play different musical instrument in 2005, 2010 and 2015. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#part #bar #percentage #school #children #instrument #information #features #comparisons
The graph illustrates the proportions of school pupils learning to play four
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
Change preposition
of music
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music
Replace the word
musical
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 instrument Including
Piano
,Drums,
Guitar
 and Violin in 3
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
.
Overall
,In 2005 and 2010
Piano
 was
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 popular
while
 in 2015
Guitar
 surpassed the
Piano
 In
trems
Correct your spelling
terms
 of lowest in 2005 and 2010 Drums
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 at
bottom
Add an article
the bottom
show examples
whereas
 in 2015 reached the third place.
Correct your spelling
According
Accroding
Correct your spelling
According
 to the bar chart,
Guitar
consequently
 saw
increase
Add an article
an increase
show examples
 in
number
Add an article
the number
show examples
 of
participent
Correct your spelling
participant
participants
For
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 in 2005 likely 10%
grow
Wrong verb form
grew
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
approximately 20% in 2010
Piano
 experienced growth,
However
 in 2015 back behind
Guitar
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 less
40
Change preposition
than 40
show examples
%
According to
 the information
provide
Change the form of the verb
provided
show examples
,In 2005 Violin was at
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 percentage
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
 two other
instrument
Change to a plural noun
instruments
show examples
Whereas
 in 2010 drop back and saw a decrease in numbers with less
10
Change preposition
than 10
show examples
% In 2015, Drums exceeded Violin and stood at third rank place with almost 10%
Submitted by roozbehkh88 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the seventh paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words piano, guitar with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the seventh paragraph.
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