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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that teenagers should focus on all school subjects. But others believe that teenagers should focus on the subject that they are good at or that they find the most interest. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #teenagers #focus #school #subjects #interest
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The issue of academic specialisation is debatable, as some people encourage learners to focus only on
subjects
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 that they have
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interest
Correct article usage
an interest
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 in,
while
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 others believe
thats
Correct your spelling
that
 students should learn all school
subjects
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both sides, on the one
hand
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, exposing teenagers to all
subjects
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 may cause work overload management issues, yet
on the other
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hand
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 concentration on a specific subject of
interest
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 will boost the child's confidence and
guarantees
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guarantee
show examples
 success and good grades. I will explain fully why I support the idea of one area
specialisation
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of specialisation
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. On the one
hand
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, forcing learners to take all
subjects
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 is not a good idea because a lot of
student
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students
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 struggle to balance the
work-load
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workload
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. As some say, "Jack of all trades and master of non",
this
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 is what happens when teenagers are exposed to all
subjects
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. Some children find it
difficults
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difficult
 to concentrate
in
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on
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 all
subjects
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 at once since most of these
subjects
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 do not link or relate.
For example
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, after studying arts
subjects
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then
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 they are called for business and science
subjects
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. They end up being confused and
loose
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lose
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interest
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 in learning leading to school drop-outs.
On the other
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hand
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, encouraging students to concentrate on areas of their
interest
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 gives them confidence and they will be fully engaged
to
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in
show examples
 learning all aspects of that subject.
This
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 certainly guarantees success and high grades
therefore
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 boosting their
self esteem
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self-esteem
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.
For instance
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, if a student is interested in calculations they should encourage him to take
subjects
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 like Statistics and
Mathamatics
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Mathematics
then
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 they groom him around that area. These students will develop passion
in
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for
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 what they do because they love it. In conclusion, I strongly believe that learners should be given the opportunity to focus on
subjects
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 that they have
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interest
Correct article usage
an interest
show examples
 in as it helps them to achieve better grades, rather than being forced to take all school
subjects
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 and end up suffering from work overload.
Submitted by sisalt100 on

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task achievement
Your essay presents and develops the ideas effectively, but try to adhere to a more formal style, avoid contractions like "isn't".
task achievement
Include more detailed examples to support your points, making references to studies or theoretical frameworks where possible.
coherence cohesion
Use more linking words and phrases to connect your ideas seamlessly for a smoother flow.
coherence cohesion
Expand your arguments with more depth to demonstrate critical thinking and analysis.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
You maintained a logical progression of ideas throughout the essay.
task achievement
You provided relevant reasons and examples to support your viewpoint.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Comprehensive education
  • Specialization
  • Well-rounded
  • Motivation
  • Foundational knowledge
  • Significant contributions
  • Narrow focus
  • Limited perspective
  • Adaptability
  • Economic benefits
  • Balanced approach
  • Foundational education
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