The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. (1)

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The bar chart illustrates the percentage of Australian males and females in various

age

Use synonyms

groups allocating regular physical

activities

Use synonyms

in 2010.

Overall

Linking Words

, it is understandable that physical

activities

Use synonyms

had a better place among

women

Use synonyms

rather than

men

Use synonyms

, except for the 15 to 24

age

Use synonyms

groups.

Also

Linking Words

Women

Use synonyms

from 45 to 54 years old had higher and escalated

activities

Use synonyms

compared to

men

Use synonyms

by a difference of nearly 10

percent

Change the spelling

per cent

show examples

Initially

Linking Words

men

Use synonyms

had higher performance in physical

activities

Use synonyms

by the

age

Use synonyms

of 15 to 24, the gap between

men

Use synonyms

and

women

Use synonyms

was approximately 5 per cent, but

this

Linking Words

percentage rate fluctuated during their lives.

Men

Use synonyms

’s

activities

Use synonyms

dropped nearly 10 per cent from 52.8 to 42.2 for the life group of 15-24 to 25-34.

In contrast

Linking Words

women

Use synonyms

activities

Use synonyms

started to grow up respectively for 40 years from the

age

Use synonyms

of 24 to 64, by 48.9%, 52.5%, 53.3% and 53% respectively for the period

age

Use synonyms

of (25-34), (35-44), (45-54) and (55-64). Despite all the fluctuation in 2010 for both males and females from 15

till

Change preposition

show examples

64, the percentages became almost even at 65 years old and beyond that by 46.7 belonging to

men

Use synonyms

and 47.1 belonging to

women

Use synonyms

. In conclusion,

men

Use synonyms

doing physical activity went up slightly as they got older.

In contrast

Linking Words

women

Use synonyms

doing physical activity dropped as they got older.

Submitted by nasiri.behnam1994 on Fri Aug 02 2024

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

▼

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast".

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words age, activities, women, men with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.

▼

5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

218 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Bar chart
Percentage
Regular physical activity
Participation
Age group
Trend
Significant
Notable
Gender gap
Comparative analysis
Consistent
Decline
Progressive
Conversely
Motivations
Barriers

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Universities and colleges are now offering courses through distance learning from the Internet rather than teachers in the classroom. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sports or doing excercise classes. what are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or negetive development?