IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. What are the reasons for this behavior? what action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?

Nowadays, the purchasing process is easier than in decades. It is expected that with the fast technology and developing systems. The
people
Use synonyms
 take monetary from each other to cover
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 needs even less can return
money
Use synonyms
 back or not. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 behavior is not suitable for me because the debt will let the person spend
money
Use synonyms
 without knowing the consequences. I believe that the
people
Use synonyms
 who used to earn
money
Use synonyms
 and
buying
Wrong verb form
buy
show examples
 the
staff
Correct your spelling
stuff
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
don’t
Use synonyms
 need it or not important to take. Surely here I
don’t
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 mean all cases there are exceptional cases.
This
Linking Words
 habit is usually
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 result of difficult life conditions, unknowing, and misbehavior
whereas
Linking Words
 the working salary
Use synonyms
don’t
Change the verb form
doesn’t
show examples
 match the expenses. especially how used to a high-quality lifestyle.
For instance
Linking Words
, the credit card that banks provide the persons who open bank accounts first use they
gives
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give
show examples
 them a good amount of
money
Use synonyms
 that lets
people
Use synonyms
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
buy the
necessaries
Replace the word
necessary
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 items and unnecessaries
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 especially, adults.
Consequently
Linking Words
, a lot of
people
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 are buying without responsibility sense. even
thought
Correct your spelling
though
show examples
, those who earn
money
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 usually
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
don’t
Use synonyms
 return it
back
Rephrase
apply
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. In my view, the action that would be taken depends on
advise
Change the verb form
advising
show examples
 them about the value of
money
Use synonyms
 and pursuing to tell them to purchase only the necessary items. The explanation of the outcome of debts and how may reflect on their lives.
To sum up
Linking Words
 ,
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon has spread
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
worldwide vastly and I think families should have the ability to mentor their children to expenses as need not more than it.

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coherence cohesion
Focus on improving sentence structure to enhance clarity. Some sentences are difficult to understand due to awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. For example, 'The people take monetary from each other to cover they needs even less can return money back or not.' should be 'People borrow money from each other to cover their needs, often without knowing if they can pay it back.'
task achievement
Provide more detailed examples and elaborate on the reasons and solutions presented. This will make your points stronger and more convincing. For instance, mention specific situations where people overspend due to societal pressure or lack of financial literacy.
coherence cohesion
Ensure to maintain a clear and logical progression of ideas. Your points should naturally lead from one to the other. For instance, the explanation of why people get into debt should be directly linked to the solutions you propose.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task and presents both reasons for people getting into debt and potential solutions to prevent this issue.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed, providing a sense of closure to the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • impulse buying
  • financial literacy
  • credit card debt
  • consumer culture
  • materialism
  • budgeting skills
  • emotional spending
  • unnecessary/compulsive purchases
  • financial management
  • debt accumulation
  • loan repayment
  • consumer awareness
What to do next:
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