IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In today's world,
increasing
Add an article
an increasing
show examples
 number of
people
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 away from their
families
Use synonyms
 and
friends
Use synonyms
. I believe that
this
Linking Words
 situation has benefits and handicaps because their relationships with their relatives and
friends
Use synonyms
 might
affect
Wrong verb form
be affected
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a negative way.
By contrast
Linking Words
, they might earn more than their old occupation. On the one hand, working far from their
families
Use synonyms
 and
friends
Use synonyms
 may reduce their relationships. When they have to
work
Use synonyms
 far away from their homes they might argue with their partners and
friends
Use synonyms
 because they miss them, they want to hug, kiss and touch them.
However
Linking Words
,
As a result
Linking Words
 of their
conditions
Add a comma
conditions,
show examples
 they cannot.
For instance
Linking Words
, My father
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to
work
Use synonyms
 in Istanbul which is seven hundred
kilometers
Change the spelling
kilometres
show examples
 far from our home, we see each other twice or three times a year.
In
Change preposition
According
show examples
according to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, my mom and father argue because they miss their partner.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, when they meet they get on well like nothing happened.
Hence
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who have to
work
Use synonyms
 far from their houses might cause relationship issues because they miss each other.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 go
other
Change preposition
to other
show examples
 cities to
earning
Wrong verb form
earn
show examples
 more than their old job. Nowadays, money is the key
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 everything, If you want to buy something you should have money, if you want to book a holiday you should have money
due to
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
sometimes moving to another place for
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 might be beneficial for his/her family.
For example
Linking Words
, My father earns twice more than his old job.
This
Linking Words
 earning make us more comfortable
such
Linking Words
 as ı can buy whatever ı want and we buy
house
Add an article
a house
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 my sister.
Therefore
Linking Words
, sometimes working away from home might be advantageous for
families
Use synonyms
, if they profit more.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
Growing
Change the article
a Growing
the Growing
show examples
 number of
people
Use synonyms
move
Wrong verb form
are moving
show examples
 far from their homes
due to
Linking Words
work
Use synonyms
. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 situation has advantages and disadvantages because If they earn more than past, their
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 condition might be very comfortable to afford everything.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, working away from their
friends
Use synonyms
 and
families
Use synonyms
 might affect
thier
Correct your spelling
their
the
 relations between their partners and kids.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay is quite well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, make sure to avoid some minor grammatical errors and improve the continuity between ideas.
task achievement
Try to enhance your vocabulary and use more advanced sentence structures to improve your clarity and make your essay more comprehensive.
task achievement
The essay effectively provides both sides of the argument, discussing both benefits and handicaps of moving away from family for work.
coherence cohesion
Good use of personal examples to support your points, making your essay more relatable and credible.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • career advancement
  • job opportunities
  • job market
  • salaries
  • personal growth
  • cultural horizons
  • adaptability
  • resilience
  • global perspective
  • emotional and psychological impact
  • loved ones
  • loneliness
  • homesickness
  • support network
  • long-distance relationships
  • emotional strain
  • face-to-face interactions
  • financial cost
  • housing deposits
  • travel costs
  • living expenses
What to do next:
Look at other essays: