Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
In today's world,
increasing
number of Add an article
an increasing
people
work
away from their families
and friends
. I believe that this
situation has benefits and handicaps because their relationships with their relatives and friends
might affect
Wrong verb form
be affected
on
a negative way. Change preposition
in
By contrast
, they might earn more than their old occupation.
On the one hand, working far from their families
and friends
may reduce their relationships. When they have to work
far away from their homes they might argue with their partners and friends
because they miss them, they want to hug, kiss and touch them. However
, As a result
of their conditions
they cannot. Add a comma
conditions,
For instance
, My father have
to Change the verb form
has
work
in Istanbul which is seven hundred kilometers
far from our home, we see each other twice or three times a year. Change the spelling
kilometres
In
Change preposition
According
according to
this
, my mom and father argue because they miss their partner. Nonetheless
, when they meet they get on well like nothing happened. Hence
, people
who have to work
far from their houses might cause relationship issues because they miss each other.
On the other hand
, people
go other
cities to Change preposition
to other
earning
more than their old job. Nowadays, money is the key Wrong verb form
earn
of
everything, If you want to buy something you should have money, if you want to book a holiday you should have money Change preposition
to
due to
that
sometimes moving to another place forCorrect pronoun usage
apply
working
might be beneficial for his/her family. Replace the word
work
For example
, My father earns twice more than his old job. This
earning make us more comfortable such
as ı can buy whatever ı want and we buy house
Add an article
a house
to
my sister. Change preposition
for
Therefore
, sometimes working away from home might be advantageous for families
, if they profit more.
To sum up
, Growing
number of Change the article
a Growing
the Growing
people
move
far from their homes Wrong verb form
are moving
due to
work
. In my opinion, this
situation has advantages and disadvantages because If they earn more than past, their economical
condition might be very comfortable to afford everything. Replace the word
economic
Nevertheless
, working away from their friends
and families
might affect thier
relations between their partners and kids.Correct your spelling
their
the
Submitted by taylanpolat6124 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is quite well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, make sure to avoid some minor grammatical errors and improve the continuity between ideas.
task achievement
Try to enhance your vocabulary and use more advanced sentence structures to improve your clarity and make your essay more comprehensive.
task achievement
The essay effectively provides both sides of the argument, discussing both benefits and handicaps of moving away from family for work.
coherence cohesion
Good use of personal examples to support your points, making your essay more relatable and credible.