IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

People argue about the importance of following a
dress
Use synonyms
 code in the workplace.
However
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, others believe employees should have the freedom to choose what they wear. As far as I am concerned, I think different professions need different types of uniforms. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both views and explain the reasons behind my opinion.
To begin
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 with, organisations cherish employee backgrounds and cultures. In
world-wide
Correct your spelling
worldwide
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 companies, employees come from different countries with different beliefs,
therefore
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, obligating them to wear uniforms is not a good idea to show respect to staff members. To be more clear, Muslim women are a shining example of
this
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 matter, they have their own beliefs and
dress
Use synonyms
according to
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 their religion, it's a scarf on the head called a "Hijab". If they are found to follow
dress
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 codes, many times these women tend to quit
the
Change the word
their
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job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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.
As a result
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, the manager loses an
afficiant
Correct your spelling
efficient
officiant
 labourer
due to
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 strict
dress
Use synonyms
 rules.
On the contrary
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, others believe that those who
dress
Use synonyms
 aptly at work, perform better in the field and reflect a positive impact on the company. In some workplaces, uniforms are a necessity for the employees because staff are the face of the organisation they represent, they deal with customer issues regularly. To illustrate, in research based on passenger experiences, the more elegant the flight attendant uniform, the more likely the passengers will choose the airline.
Therefore
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, the company will gain money and
reputation
Correct article usage
a reputation
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 based on dressing smartly. In conclusion, it seems clear that every job field has different types of flexibility in the way of dressing. 
Although
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 the way of dressing reflects a better impact on the customers, I think respecting other religions and cultures is highly valuable.

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task achievement
Your essay addresses both views of the topic, which is essential. To further enhance your Task Response score, ensure that every argument is thoroughly developed and supported with more precise or varied examples.
coherence cohesion
While your ideas are clearly presented and related, consider using linking phrases more effectively to connect different points within paragraphs and between them. This will improve the logical flow of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your discussion.
relevant specific examples
You have successfully included relevant examples to back up your points, such as the example of Muslim women's dress code and the airline flight attendants, which add depth to your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • professionalism
  • first impression
  • competent
  • dedicated
  • organizational culture
  • teamwork
  • creativity
  • productivity
  • dress code
  • comfort
  • individuality
  • job satisfaction
  • client-facing
  • nature of the job
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