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Writing Samples
Band 4

Many crimes are often related to the consumption of alcohol. some people think that the best way to reduce the crime rate is to ban alcohol. Do you think that this is an effective measure against crime?

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Introduction
Alcohol
Use synonyms
 is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 main reason
Correct pronoun usage
that lead
show examples
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to
crimes
Use synonyms
.
Some
Change preposition
For some
show examples
crimes
Use synonyms
alcohol
Use synonyms
 causes
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
and some
crimes
Use synonyms
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
 . In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will
descus
Correct your spelling
discuss
discus
 the two
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
show examples
 of view .
Body paragraph 1
Alcohol
Use synonyms
 is a big problem in the society .
Firstly
Linking Words
 , if
some one
Correct your spelling
someone
show examples
drink
Correct subject-verb agreement
drinks
show examples
 or
eat
Correct subject-verb agreement
eats
show examples
 it he will lose his brain and he can not know what
happened
Wrong verb form
is happening
show examples
 in the world
thats
Correct your spelling
that
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to killing an example .
More over
Correct your spelling
Moreover
show examples
, when
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 human
take
Change the verb form
takes
show examples
alcohol
Use synonyms
 he will attack others because he
did
Wrong verb form
does
show examples
 not know who is
this
Linking Words
 person or why is
here
Correct your spelling
there
show examples
.
Body paragraph 2
some
people
Use synonyms
 take high levels of
alcohol
Use synonyms
 and they can not drive the car carefully
that
Correct word choice
which
show examples
leeds
Correct your spelling
leads
 to accidents and
people
Use synonyms
wiil
Correct your spelling
will
lost
Wrong verb form
lose
show examples
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 lives .
Body paragraph 3
`
Alcohol
Use synonyms
 not always is the
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
mistaks
Correct your spelling
mistakes
 and
crimes
Use synonyms
 . More
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 make it without drinking
alcohol
Use synonyms
 like killers many of them kill others without
alcohol
Use synonyms
 .
In addition
Linking Words
 , crazy
peaple
Correct your spelling
people
do
Verb problem
commit
show examples
crimes
Use synonyms
 like
broke
Replace the word
break
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
shops ,
resturants
Correct your spelling
restaurants
, malls ,
coffe
Correct your spelling
coffee
 shops and
hyper markets
Correct your spelling
hypermarkets
show examples
. others
sale
Replace the word
sell
show examples
 the children and poor
peaple
Correct your spelling
people
for example
Linking Words
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 hearts and brains .
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
 ,
alcohol
Use synonyms
some
Correct your spelling
sometimes
show examples
times
Use synonyms
 is the reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
crimes
Use synonyms
 and
some
Correct your spelling
sometimes
show examples
times
Use synonyms
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
. Many
people
Use synonyms
make
Verb problem
commit
show examples
crimes
Use synonyms
 but not all of them are taking
alcohol
Use synonyms
 . some
times
Use synonyms
some one
Correct your spelling
someone
show examples
kill
Correct subject-verb agreement
kills
show examples
 another one because he
take
Change the verb form
takes
show examples
alcohol
Use synonyms
 and
some
Correct your spelling
sometimes
show examples
times
Use synonyms
 he
kill
Change the verb form
kills
show examples
however
Linking Words
 he
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not take
alcohol
Use synonyms
 . So we should not
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that
alcohol
Use synonyms
 is the main reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
crimes
Use synonyms
peaople
Correct your spelling
people
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
do
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
 it because there are many
crimes
Use synonyms
 the cause is not
alcohol
Use synonyms
 .

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coherence cohesion
Work on clearly organizing your essay with distinct paragraphs for each point. This will help in enhancing the logical flow of your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure that each idea is fully developed and supported with specific examples. This makes your argument more convincing.
general
Pay close attention to grammar and spelling. Simple grammatical mistakes can make the ideas harder to understand.
task achievement
Your essay attempts to address both sides of the argument, which is essential for a balanced discussion.
task achievement
There is an attempt to provide examples, such as mentioning accidents caused by drunk driving.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crime rate
  • consumption of alcohol
  • effective measure
  • ban alcohol
  • contribute to
  • types of crimes
  • other solutions
  • reduce the crime rate
  • education
  • awareness programs
  • stricter law enforcement
  • penalties
  • support
  • rehabilitation
  • alcohol addicts
  • root causes of crime
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