Many crimes are often related to the consumption of alcohol. some people think that the best way to reduce the crime rate is to ban alcohol. Do you think that this is an effective measure against crime?

Alcohol
is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
main reason
Correct pronoun usage
that lead
show examples
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
to
crimes
.
Some
Change preposition
For some
show examples
crimes
alcohol
causes
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
and some
crimes
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
will
descus
Correct your spelling
discuss
discus
the two
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
show examples
of view .
Alcohol
is a big problem in the society .
Firstly
, if
some one
Correct your spelling
someone
show examples
drink
Correct subject-verb agreement
drinks
show examples
or
eat
Correct subject-verb agreement
eats
show examples
it he will lose his brain and he can not know what
happened
Wrong verb form
is happening
show examples
in the world
thats
Correct your spelling
that
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
to killing an example .
More over
Correct your spelling
Moreover
show examples
, when
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
human
take
Change the verb form
takes
show examples
alcohol
he will attack others because he
did
Wrong verb form
does
show examples
not know who is
this
person or why is
here
Correct your spelling
there
show examples
. some
people
take high levels of
alcohol
and they can not drive the car carefully
that
Correct word choice
which
show examples
leeds
Correct your spelling
leads
to accidents and
people
wiil
Correct your spelling
will
lost
Wrong verb form
lose
show examples
thier
Correct your spelling
their
lives . `
Alcohol
not always is the
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
mistaks
Correct your spelling
mistakes
and
crimes
. More
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
make it without drinking
alcohol
like killers many of them kill others without
alcohol
.
In addition
, crazy
peaple
Correct your spelling
people
do
Verb problem
commit
show examples
crimes
like
broke
Replace the word
break
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
shops ,
resturants
Correct your spelling
restaurants
, malls ,
coffe
Correct your spelling
coffee
shops and
hyper markets
Correct your spelling
hypermarkets
show examples
. others
sale
Replace the word
sell
show examples
the children and poor
peaple
Correct your spelling
people
for example
thier
Correct your spelling
their
hearts and brains .
To conclude
,
alcohol
some
Correct your spelling
sometimes
show examples
times
is the reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
crimes
and
some
Correct your spelling
sometimes
show examples
times
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
. Many
people
make
Verb problem
commit
show examples
crimes
but not all of them are taking
alcohol
. some
times
some one
Correct your spelling
someone
show examples
kill
Correct subject-verb agreement
kills
show examples
another one because he
take
Change the verb form
takes
show examples
alcohol
and
some
Correct your spelling
sometimes
show examples
times
he
kill
Change the verb form
kills
show examples
however
he
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
not take
alcohol
. So we should not
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
that
alcohol
is the main reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
crimes
peaople
Correct your spelling
people
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
do
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
it because there are many
crimes
the cause is not
alcohol
.
Submitted by alkmariam345 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Work on clearly organizing your essay with distinct paragraphs for each point. This will help in enhancing the logical flow of your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure that each idea is fully developed and supported with specific examples. This makes your argument more convincing.
general
Pay close attention to grammar and spelling. Simple grammatical mistakes can make the ideas harder to understand.
task achievement
Your essay attempts to address both sides of the argument, which is essential for a balanced discussion.
task achievement
There is an attempt to provide examples, such as mentioning accidents caused by drunk driving.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crime rate
  • consumption of alcohol
  • effective measure
  • ban alcohol
  • contribute to
  • types of crimes
  • other solutions
  • reduce the crime rate
  • education
  • awareness programs
  • stricter law enforcement
  • penalties
  • support
  • rehabilitation
  • alcohol addicts
  • root causes of crime
What to do next:
Look at other essays: