IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays group of people believe that newspaper is the best way to ger news,However, other people think that social media is better. This essay discuss both of this veaws and explain why I think that media is better than newspaper. to begin with the main reason

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Some
people
Use synonyms
 claim that the best way to read
news
Use synonyms
 is by
newspapers
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however
Linking Words
 other
people
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 argue that reading
news
Use synonyms
 online is better.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views in detail and explain why online reading is much more comfortable. On the one hand, there are a multitude types of advantages of reading
newspapers
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
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,
newspapers
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 are really easy and comfortable to read.In fact,when
people
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 read the
news
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 in the newspaper there is less danger
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
eyes
Correct pronoun usage
their eyes
show examples
.
However
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, when you read something on social
media
Use synonyms
 it will be harmful to your eyes.
Secondly
Linking Words
,it is really enjoyable to read
newspapers
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 the
people
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 who don't you mobile phones
such
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 as old
people
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 who don't know how to use social
media
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. 
Therefore
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 some
people
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 suppose that
newspapers
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 are easy and enjoyable to read
news
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.
On the other hand
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, there are the majority of
privilages
Correct your spelling
privileges
 of reading
news
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 on social
media
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.
First
Change the article
The first
show examples
 pro is
while
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 you are reading the
news
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 on internet websites you don't have to pay for
this
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 information. But whenever you are going to read by newspaper first of all you have to buy
this
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 newspaper.
In addition
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, you are able to find any information which you want to know even if it is information about other countries.
Besides
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 that,
while
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 individuals are using social
media
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 they can share it with somebody.
For instance
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news
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 or other extremely important things.
To conclude
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,
this
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 essay discussed both views in detail and gave data about the advantages of reading
news
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 on social
media
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 as
beneficial
Correct article usage
a beneficial
show examples
 way and affordable way of reading

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task achievement
Clarify Your Position: Make your stance more explicit in your thesis statement. Currently, it's not thoroughly clear which side of the argument you support.
task achievement
More Specific Examples: Provide more specific examples or anecdotes to illustrate your points more effectively. This would enhance the support for your main ideas.
coherence cohesion
Linking Words: Use a greater variety of linking words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This can increase the readability of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Paragraph Structure: Ensure that each paragraph presents a single, clear main idea. The current paragraphs sometimes mix multiple ideas, which can disrupt clarity.
coherence cohesion
Good Introduction and Conclusion: The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which neatly frame the discussion.
task achievement
Detailed Discussion: Both sides of the argument are discussed in detail, showing a balanced view on the topic.
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