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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below show the percentage of workers in three sectors across four countries in 1980 and 2010.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the percentage of workers in three sectors across four countries in 1980 and 2010.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The charts
provides
Change the verb form
provide
show examples
 information about the percentage of
workes
Correct your spelling
workers
show examples
 in three sectors across
Germany
Use synonyms
,
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
, Japan and
China
Use synonyms
 in 1980 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Agriculture
Use synonyms
 in
China
Use synonyms
hitting
Wrong verb form
hit
show examples
 the highest point in both years than the other countries. In
Germany
Use synonyms
 and
Japan
Add a comma
Japan,
show examples
 the
industry
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 Around 80%.
Germany
Use synonyms
 was downward in
Agriculture
Use synonyms
 for both years,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
industry
Use synonyms
 accomplished a decrease in 2010. The services in
Germany
Use synonyms
was increase
Change the verb form
increased
show examples
around
Change preposition
by around
show examples
 ten
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 from 1980 50 2010.
In the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 second-lowest
countries
Fix the agreement mistake
country
show examples
 in
agriculture
Use synonyms
 is The USA.
In addition
Linking Words
,
Industry
Use synonyms
 suddenly
raise
Verb problem
rose
show examples
 in 2010.
Industry
Use synonyms
 in Japan
rabidly
Correct your spelling
rapidly
show examples
 changed rate from around 50% in 1980 to 80% in 2010. There is a fluctuation in
there
Correct your spelling
these
show examples
 sectors in
China
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
agriculture
Use synonyms
 was less
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 1980 unlike
2010
Change preposition
in 2010
show examples
. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand,
Use synonyms
industry
Correct article usage
the industry
show examples
 in both years
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 the same rate around about 40%.
One
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
 the other hand,
services
Correct article usage
the services
show examples
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
china
Capitalize word
China
show examples
shrplly
Correct your spelling
sharply
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 from 1980 to 2012 decreased around -20%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words germany, china, agriculture, industry with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • sector
  • distribution
  • dominance
  • decline
  • significant changes
  • employment
  • patterns
  • trends
  • global
  • compare
  • highlight
  • examine
  • identify
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