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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The table below shows the proportion of the workforce who are women and the proportion of managers who are women in five different countries. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows the proportion of the workforce who are women and the proportion of managers who are women in five different countries. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#proportion #workforce #women #managers #five #countries #information #features #comparisons
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The table illustrates the proportion of the workforce who are
women
Use synonyms
 and the proportion of managers who are
women
Use synonyms
 in Australia,Egypt,
Sri
Use synonyms
 Lanka , Japan, United States.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the ratio of
women
Use synonyms
 in
labour
Add an article
the labour
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 force was the highest trend in four countries
expect
Correct your spelling
except
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 Egypt
while
Linking Words
 the percentage of
women
Use synonyms
 in management was the lowest point in
Sri
Use synonyms
 Lanka.
According to
Linking Words
 what was shown in the table, Japan has a higher percentage
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
workforce
Add an article
the workforce
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 by about 48% .
However
Linking Words
, it decreased in management
around
Change preposition
by
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 about 31%. What is more, there are the same level of
women
Use synonyms
 in the workforce in two countries: Australia and
Sri
Use synonyms
 Lanka.
Therefore
Linking Words
 ,there are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
big differences
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 proportions between them in management.
Women
Use synonyms
 in Australia
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 rising up by about 34%
than
Correct quantifier usage
more than
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 in
Sri
Use synonyms
 Lanake. Added to that,
Submitted by um.maktoum2014 on

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words women, sri with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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