It is a positive thing that people who are in senior management positions in companies have much higher salaries than other employees in the same company or organization. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

in
this
day and age, it is widely believed that the higher
positions
in the company a person gets, the higher
salary
they will earn. Personally, I partly agree that the
improtant
Correct your spelling
important
positions
will have good
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
than other workers. On the one hand, The highest
salary
always depends on the person's position in business.
For example
, managers and directors often have higher salaries than employees because their jobs are more important and require more experience to perform. opposite other workers often hold
positions
that are not too
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
important and
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
require much experience in
manage
Replace the word
management
show examples
.
thus
, senior management
positions
often
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
have higher
salary
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salaries
show examples
than the
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
.
On the other hand
, in the
company
Add a comma
company,
show examples
there
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
employees who receive higher salaries than their colleagues. There is a simple reason to explain that because those employees are more productive than other colleagues, or maybe they have more achievements and talents.
For instance
,
workers
Change preposition
for workers
show examples
in
marketing
Correct article usage
the marketing
show examples
and agency field, their
salary
will be dependent
productivity
Change preposition
on productivity
show examples
and the number of their
customer
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customers
show examples
, if they have
much client
Change the quantifier
many clients
show examples
want
Correct pronoun usage
who want
show examples
thier
Correct your spelling
their
service in that month they will
paided
Correct your spelling
pay
better
salary
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salaries
show examples
than
other
Change preposition
in other
show examples
month
Fix the agreement mistake
months
show examples
and
opporsite
Correct your spelling
opportunities
.
Finally
, some companies will have special
positions
that do not reflect the importance of the position through
salary
. in conclusion,
salary
can
shows
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show
show examples
the position of that employee, at the same time normal
worker
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workers
show examples
also
have higher salaries depending on their
productivities
Fix the agreement mistake
productivity
show examples
and abilities to satisfy their customers in their job fields.
Submitted by lyhuongclc on

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that all points and examples are directly relevant to the topic. You should elaborate on why senior management roles deserve higher salaries compared to other employees, and perhaps discuss the implications of this wage gap.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, focus on a clear structure. Each paragraph should have a single main point that is introduced with a topic sentence and supported with detailed examples and explanations. Additionally, make sure transitions between paragraphs are smooth and logical.
overall
Pay attention to grammar, vocabulary, and sentence structure. Avoid repetitive phrases and ensure each sentence contributes to your argument. Proofread carefully to reduce minor errors.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear stance and addresses both sides of the argument, which is essential for a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, giving the essay a complete structure.
task achievement
You have used examples to support your points. This adds depth to your essay and demonstrates an effort to justify your arguments with specific instances.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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