Group or team activities can teach more important skills for life than those activities which are done alone. Do you agree or disagree?
Humans can acquire various
skills
and abilities through their environment whether by themselves or in their communities besides
other individuals. Change preposition
with
While
some argue that obtaining vital skills
for life is a solitary action, I agree with those who feel team-working
offers more.
Learning through solo Correct your spelling
teamwork
activities
, on the one hand, can be beneficial for skills
that requires
more concentration. Change the verb form
require
Moreover
, it is believed that this
attitudes are increasing Change the determiner
these
human's
cognitive Change noun form
human
skills
. For example
, some programmers who work in software developement
fields claim that they can concentrate more on their project alone and learn more Correct your spelling
development
while
they have a piece of mind. Although
they believe this
attitudes
of learning Fix the agreement mistake
attitude
improving
their thinking ability, I believe it is not acceptable for the majority of people.
Wrong verb form
improves
On the other hand
, collaborative
nature of Correct article usage
the collaborative
human
makes individuals powerful enough to become Fix the agreement mistake
humans
dominant
species on Correct article usage
the dominant
the
Earth. Teaching through team working Correct article usage
apply
activities
can activate different parts of humans' brain
which can enable us to learn fundamental Fix the agreement mistake
brains
skills
more than learning by ourselves. Furtheremore
, group Correct your spelling
Furthermore
activities
expose individuals to various ways of thinking which can broden
Correct your spelling
broaden
human's
Change noun form
human
horizon
. Fix the agreement mistake
horizons
Additionally
, learning fundamental skills
to survive in the environent
cannot be learned solo and requires cooperation. Correct your spelling
environment
For example
, activities
like hunting and swimming need individulas
collaboration to ensure they Correct your spelling
individual
acquired
these abilities.
In conclusion, Wrong verb form
acquire
while
some believe solo activities
are more beneficial, I agree with their opponents who think learning through group activities
are
more educational. In my opinion, social human nature can enable Correct subject-verb agreement
is
to
learn more through Correct pronoun usage
us to
team working
.Correct your spelling
teamwork
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task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position. However, ensure that counter-arguments are more elaborately addressed for a higher score. Avoid vague statements by expanding on your points.
general advice
There are some grammar and vocabulary errors. For instance, the phrases 'piece of mind' should be 'peace of mind,' 'this attitudes' should be 'these attitudes,' and 'broden' should be 'broaden.' Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure the usage of terms is correct.
coherence cohesion
The overall structure of the essay is well-organized with a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples to support arguments.
coherence cohesion
Logical sequencing of ideas and appropriate transitions between paragraphs make the essay easy to follow.