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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below gives information about the common activities children of different ages in the United States do as part of their bedtime routines. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information about the common activities children of different ages in the United States do as part of their bedtime routines. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The diagram shows the activities that different ages
kids
Use synonyms
 in the United States like to do at their bedtime habits Obviously, reading is not only the most popular activity for 4-5years
children
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
70
kids
Use synonyms
 would like to do that, but
also
Linking Words
 for 1-3 and 6-8years
kids
Use synonyms
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
there are 65 and 58 teenagers who like to do it. The second most common one for
kids
Use synonyms
 at 6-8 years is brushing teeth, there are 50
kids
Use synonyms
 will do that
while
Linking Words
 there are 45
kids
Use synonyms
 aged 4-5 years will do it, which is
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 as having a bath for
this
Linking Words
 group of
children
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the
kids
Use synonyms
 aged 1-3 prefer eating more than the other 2 groups about twice, which have 20
children
Use synonyms
 will do it. But
this
Linking Words
 group of
children
Use synonyms
 who want to watch TV before sleeping is lower than the other 2 groups since aged 4-8 have about 40 in total and itself only has about 15
kids
Use synonyms
. In summary,
due to
Linking Words
 different ages having different habits and needs, younger
kids
Use synonyms
 who need to care a lot prefer eating and reading
while
Linking Words
 the elder ones prefer having
bath
Add an article
a bath
show examples
 and brushing their teeth.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words kids, children with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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