IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You recently noticed a local restaurant that was offering a part-time job . Write a letter to the restaurant's manager. In your letter, –explain that you would like to apply for the job –give some details of any relevant experience that you have –specify the days and times that would suit you

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Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing in order to apply for a part-time
job
Use synonyms
. I noticed an advertisement on the local board and I decided to take a part of
this
Linking Words
job
Use synonyms
 as a waiter.
Also
Linking Words
, I reckon that your restaurant is the best choice for me. I want to work in a part-time
job
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because I study at Foreign Languages University.
In addition
Linking Words
, my friends told me all
good
Correct article usage
the good
show examples
 things about your place and I got intrigued
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 it.
Moreover
Linking Words
, I have some experience that will be suitable for
this
Linking Words
job
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, I worked as a waiter 2 years ago and my manager has never complained about me. I left my past
job
Use synonyms
 because I moved to another city.
Secondly
Linking Words
, I know that character is one of the vital
part
Change to a plural noun
parts
show examples
 of working .I can easily communicate with other people.
For instance
Linking Words
, If somebody
come
Correct subject-verb agreement
comes
show examples
 to our restaurant in a bad mood, I can put a smile on
it’s
Replace the word
its
show examples
 face without any difficulty.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, I know 5 languages that are, Chinese, English, Uzbek, Russian and Indian.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, I want to inform you about my availability.
Due to
Linking Words
 my lack of
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
 I will be able to work
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the night- shift
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every Monday, Wednesday and Sunday. Looking forward to hearing from you soon and accepting my application to your restaurant. Yours faithfully Mohinur

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task achievement
Your letter generally addresses all parts of the task. However, you could provide more detail regarding how your experience will benefit the restaurant directly.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, try to link ideas within paragraphs more smoothly. Use transition words to connect sentences logically.
coherence cohesion
Be cautious of minor grammatical errors, such as 'take a part of this job' should be 'take part in this job' or 'I got intrigued in it' should be 'I became intrigued by it.'
task achievement
You have addressed all key points required by the prompt, showing a clear understanding of the task.
task achievement
The tone of the letter is polite and formal, which is appropriate for the context.
coherence cohesion
The letter has an organized structure with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, making it easy to follow.
task achievement
You have successfully elaborated on your relevant experience, which strengthens your application.
coherence cohesion
Expressing your enthusiasm for the job and mentioning your connection to the restaurant through friends adds a personal touch, which is engaging.

Contractions

Formal and informal language refers to using different forms of language in different settings.

In informal writing, you can use contractions such as I’ll and Сan’t.

In formal writing, you should write I will and Can not.

Do not use exclamation mark in formal writing, but you can use it in informal writing.

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