IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

You recently noticed a local restaurant that was offering a part-time job. Write a letter to the restaurant's manager. In your letter, -explain that you would like to apply for the job -give some details of any relevant experience that you have -specify the days and times that would suit you

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Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to about that I recently noticed
a
Remove the article
apply
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your local restaurant that was offering a part-time job.
Firstly
Linking Words
, I will share myself with you. I am Aziz. Why am I writing to you
this
Linking Words
 letter ? Because I would like to get
part-time
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a part-time
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 job in your local restaurant. I need money for my
studying
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
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 and my family. I am studying at the university.I have to give money to my family. As my parents are not rich.
Secondly
Linking Words
, if you gave me a chance, I would not make you shy . I can
work
Use synonyms
everything
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on everything
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. I can cook. I worked as a
cooker
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cook
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 and
other
Change preposition
at other
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 local restaurants before entering the university. I know
the
Rephrase
how the
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cooking
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cook
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 twenty-five meals, and I can waiter. I can do
this
Linking Words
work
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, but I need to improve my skills. That's all. I will
work
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 seven days a week. I am able to
work
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 until am 05:00 o'clock. I am going to
work
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 after studying. If you pay me a supplement money , I will
work
Use synonyms
 more before. Yours faithfully Azizbek

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suitable writing tone
Work on maintaining a consistent formal tone throughout the letter. While the letter achieves a degree of formality, some phrases such as, 'I will share myself with you' and 'I will work seven days a week' can be improved to sound more professional.
single idea per paragraph
Ensure each paragraph contains a single, clear idea. Mixing ideas, as seen in paragraphs that both introduce yourself and explain why you're applying, can confuse the reader. Consider separating personal introduction and job application reasons into distinct paragraphs.
logical structure
Refine the logical structure of your letter by following a clear and conventional format. Start with a clear introduction, followed by body paragraphs addressing each of the required points, and finish with a concise conclusion.
complete response
The letter addressed all the required tasks: explaining the desire to apply, providing relevant experience, and specifying availability.
suitable writing tone
The tone is mostly suitable for a job application letter, reflecting a polite and respectful attitude.
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