IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

You are going to visit New Zealand for an “English and Homestay” program. You have just received details of yours homestay host family. Write your first letter to the family. In your letter: ● introduce yourself ● ask the family some questions to get information that is important to you ● tell the family about your arrival date and time

#visit #zealand #“english #homestay” #program #homestay #host #first #questions #information #date #time
Dear Sir or Madam, Assalamu alaykum I am writing to ask for information about
visit
Wrong verb form
visiting
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 New Zealand try to new
tradition
Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
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 in your
country
. My name is Xudoyberdiyev Ibrat. I am
teenager
Add an article
a teenager
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 right now.
Although
 I am
visitor
Add an article
a visitor
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.
Therefore
 I chose your state. For visiting and
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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. Nowadays I learn
your
Change preposition
about your
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country
Change noun form
country's
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 daily life with interest.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 I travel
other
Change preposition
to other
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 countries to visit, for
instanse
Correct your spelling
instance
 Switzerland, Portugal, Spain etc. Why
I
Add a missing verb
do I
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prefer visit to here? Because I am crazy about nature.
Firstly
, I want to get information from you about your daily life. Because desire to travel and live
to
Change preposition
apply
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here.
Than
Replace the word
Then
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, I want to request how much money
?
Change the punctuation
.
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 For me important.
Finally
, what kind of
closes
Correct your spelling
clothes
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I
Add a missing verb
do I
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need
for living
Change preposition
to live
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 in your
country
.
Change the punctuation
?
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 Not exactly, but I think I leave the
country
 tomorrow and arrive
25
Change preposition
on 25
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 November to say o'clock roughly 7.00 pm. Maybe you are
hospitality
Correct article usage
a hospitality
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 community. I look forward to receiving a prompt reply. Yours faithfully. Xudoyberdiyev Ibrat
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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task achievement
Ensure that you address all parts of the prompt clearly and completely. Make sure the purpose of your letter is explicit.
coherence cohesion
Use clear and distinct paragraphs for each main idea to improve coherence and readability.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammatical accuracy to enhance clarity.
greeting and closing
The greeting and closing of the letter are appropriately done.
task achievement
You have made an effort to introduce yourself and ask pertinent questions.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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