IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Nowadays, not enough students choose science subjects in university in many countries. What are the reasons for this problem? What are the effects on society? You should write at least 250 words.

#minutes #students #science #subjects #university #countries #effects #society
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It's believed that scientific researches keep losing its popularity among university students worldwide.
Although not
Correct word choice
Not
show examples
 only can possible consequences be crucial for science development but
also
 they could stop all technical progress. I am actually inclined to believe that the main reasons for
this
 tendency are low salaries and a high level of needed education. There is an existing problem with the job market for laboratory workers, which offers a really small amount of money, despite that it requires at least a PhD for applicants, who want to be hired. It is a pain for the science community because research programs are only getting financial aid from the government and are really tied in
budget
Correct article usage
the budget
show examples
.
This
 means that participants will have a minimal wage, just enough to survive. The high level of education requirements is
also
 a big problem, if one wants to be a scientist
they
Correct pronoun usage
one
show examples
 should prepare to study all their life.
For example
, to become a junior research assistant in Russia it is necessary to finish at least
master's
Correct article usage
a master's
show examples
 degree.
Furthermore
, the effects of these problems are hazardous, at no point in time was scientific work useless, development of
this
 field is responsible for all technical achievements of humanity. If no one studied scientific subjects
then
 nobody would improve existing inventions and humanity would shut down. To illustrate
this
 point, it is needed to mention the recent epidemic of COVID-19,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 has had extremely high death rates until scientists have made a vaccine.
Otherwise
, the whole human population would be in danger. All in all, not until we realise that scientific work should be more profitable for workers and easier to get in, will we be able to prevent horrific consequences,
such
 as stopping
science
Replace the word
scientific
show examples
 development and technological growth.
Submitted by sofakruglova2002 on

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coherence cohesion
To achieve a higher score, try to make the logical flow smoother between paragraphs. Use linking words and phrases to create a more seamless transition between your points.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the main points in a bit more detail, ensuring that it ties back to the prompt. This will solidify your overall argument and enhance cohesion.
task achievement
Incorporate a few more relevant and specific examples or case studies to strengthen your arguments. This can help to illustrate your points more vividly and make your essay more convincing.
task achievement
You have effectively addressed the prompt by discussing the reasons why fewer students choose science subjects and the potential societal effects.
task achievement
Your essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas, making it easy to follow your argument. This demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are both present and appropriately framed, which helps in understanding the scope and summary of your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics)
  • career prospects
  • job market
  • technological advancement
  • innovation
  • scientific fields
  • analytical skills
  • perceived difficulty
  • global competitiveness
  • workforce imbalance
  • practical exposure
  • gender stereotypes
  • educational system
  • examination-focused
  • economic growth
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