IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

You recently noticed a local restaurant that was offering a part-time job. Write a letter to the restaurant's manager. In your letter • Explain that you would like to apply for the job • Give some details of any relevant experience that you have • Specify the days and times that would suit you

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Dear Sir or Madam My name is Pokiza and I am a student of INHA University. I noticed that you were offering a part-time
job
Use synonyms
 and I would like to ask
to
Correct pronoun usage
you to
show examples
 give
this
Linking Words
job
Use synonyms
 to me. At the beginning
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
I told you I am a student in the case, If you give me a
job
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, I have to save money to pay the bills.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
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 I can do everything except that cooking. Because I am afraid of
burn
Change the verb form
burning
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 the dishes
while
Linking Words
 cooking. I can mop the floor and
also
Linking Words
 I can wash the dishes. If you will give me a
job
Use synonyms
from
Change preposition
at
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 your restaurant I'll really appreciate you.
The most
Correct article usage
Most
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 importantly If you
will offering
Wrong verb form
offer
show examples
 me a
job
Use synonyms
 I have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time after my lessons. So to be honest my lessons
starts
Change the verb form
start
show examples
 at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
9 a.
m
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. and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
ends at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
12.30 p.
m
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.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
this
Linking Words
point
Add a comma
point,
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 I would like to work
at
Change preposition
in
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 the daytime
14.00
Change preposition
from 14.00
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 p.
m
Use synonyms
. to 20.00 p.
m
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. I hope you as soon as offer
ma
Correct your spelling
me
show examples
 a
job
Use synonyms
 quickly. I look forward to your reply Yours faithfully Pokiza

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suitable writing tone
Be careful with your language to maintain a consistent tone throughout your letter. For instance, a more formal tone would be preferable when addressing a potential employer, which means avoiding expressions like 'give this job to me' and instead using 'I am writing to express my interest in the part-time job opportunity at your esteemed restaurant.'
logical structure
Avoid redundancy and clarify your points. For example, 'On the other hand' suggests a contrast but is misused here. Instead, directly state your willingness to perform the various tasks, like 'I have experience in mopping floors and washing dishes, and am confident that I can contribute positively to your team.'
complete response
You clearly state your availability and working hours, which helps the manager to know when you can work.
complete response
Your letter covers all required content: expressing interest, providing relevant experience, and detailing your availability.
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