IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

You recently noticed a local restaurant that was offering a part-time job. Write a letter to the restaurant's manager. In your letter • Explain that you would like to apply for the job • Give some details of any relevant experience that you have • Specify the days and times that would suit you

#restaurant #job #manager #times
Dear Sir or Madam My name is Pokiza and I am a student of INHA University. I noticed that you were offering a part-time
job
 and I would like to ask
to
Correct pronoun usage
you to
show examples
 give
this
job
 to me. At the beginning
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
I told you I am a student in the case, If you give me a
job
, I have to save money to pay the bills.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 I can do everything except that cooking. Because I am afraid of
burn
Change the verb form
burning
show examples
 the dishes
while
 cooking. I can mop the floor and
also
 I can wash the dishes. If you will give me a
job
from
Change preposition
at
show examples
 your restaurant I'll really appreciate you.
The most
Correct article usage
Most
show examples
 importantly If you
will offering
Wrong verb form
offer
show examples
 me a
job
 I have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time after my lessons. So to be honest my lessons
starts
Change the verb form
start
show examples
 at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
9 a.
m
. and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
ends at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
12.30 p.
m
.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
this
point
Add a comma
point,
show examples
 I would like to work
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the daytime
14.00
Change preposition
from 14.00
show examples
 p.
m
. to 20.00 p.
m
. I hope you as soon as offer
ma
Correct your spelling
me
show examples
 a
job
 quickly. I look forward to your reply Yours faithfully Pokiza
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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suitable writing tone
Be careful with your language to maintain a consistent tone throughout your letter. For instance, a more formal tone would be preferable when addressing a potential employer, which means avoiding expressions like 'give this job to me' and instead using 'I am writing to express my interest in the part-time job opportunity at your esteemed restaurant.'
logical structure
Avoid redundancy and clarify your points. For example, 'On the other hand' suggests a contrast but is misused here. Instead, directly state your willingness to perform the various tasks, like 'I have experience in mopping floors and washing dishes, and am confident that I can contribute positively to your team.'
complete response
You clearly state your availability and working hours, which helps the manager to know when you can work.
complete response
Your letter covers all required content: expressing interest, providing relevant experience, and detailing your availability.
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