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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe women are better leaders than men. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #women #leaders #men
While
 it is intensively debated that
women
 are better leaders than
men
as a result
 of their unique characteristics
such
 as
empathy
,
detailed
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detail
show examples
,
and
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apply
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good
negotiator
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negotiation
show examples
 etc. making them
to
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apply
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outperform
men
 leaders, others argue that they often too emotional, unrationale, and slower decision making
unlike
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, unlike
show examples
 their male counterparts that might be threatening for highly competitive business aspect. Both
point
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points
show examples
 of view and
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the reason
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reason
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reasons
show examples
 why I support the former statement toward
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the women
show examples
women
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women's
show examples
 side will
further
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be further
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 discussed in
this
 essay.
To begin
 with, it may seem sensible for some to believe that
men
usually
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are usually
show examples
priased
Correct your spelling
praised
 for being
a
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apply
show examples
good
leader
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leaders
show examples
 over
women
.
This
 is possibly because of common males' stereotyped features
such
 as being logical, rational,
Correct word choice
and face-paced
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face-paced
Correct your spelling
fast-paced
show examples
thinker
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thinkers
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 that are considered to be vital in today's society
along with
 gender
role
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roles
show examples
 that deepen in our society. Take
leader
Correct article usage
the leader
show examples
 of the nation,
For example
; it is noticeable that
majority
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the majority
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 of
nation's
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the nation's
show examples
leader
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leaders
show examples
 across the globe are
men
.
However
, I personally argue in favour of
women
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women's
show examples
 leadership is more outstanding than
men
 seeing that they tend to involve
empathy
 and
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
 delicate. To simply explain, though it is essential for
leader
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a leader
the leader
show examples
 to be logical and
all
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have all
show examples
 of the above
men
's characteristics as mentioned, it is crucial for
leader
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a leader
show examples
 to have
empathy
 as
being
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apply
show examples
a
leader
.
Empathy
 toward other subside
collegue
Correct your spelling
colleagues
 is the key to leading a good team as it not only
create
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creates
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 a good relationship but
also
promoting
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promotes
show examples
 cooperation among the team for better performance.
Therefore
, there is an
evident
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evidence
show examples
 shown that a business run with
girl
Correct article usage
a girl
show examples
 boss
are
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is
show examples
 significantly demanded by the employee over
male
Add an article
a male
the male
show examples
. In summary,
although
 it is undeniable that
men
often
Add a missing verb
are often
show examples
 viewed to be the good
leader
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leaders
show examples
, I am of the opinion that
women
 have more potential to lead others more efficiently which
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweighs
 the aforementioned detrimental features.
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on

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coherence
To improve clarity, ensure that each paragraph centers on a single main point, using topic sentences to guide the reader. You can enhance the logical flow by connecting your ideas more coherently.
vocabulary
Try to use more specific and varied vocabulary, and be cautious of repeating the same words or phrases. This will make your argument more engaging and sophisticated.
grammar
Make sure to proofread your work to catch any spelling or grammatical errors. Improving grammatical accuracy will help you communicate your ideas more clearly.
task response
Your essay presents both sides of the argument, and you clearly state your position. This shows a good understanding of the task requirements.
coherence
Your introduction and conclusion help frame your essay, making it easier for the reader to follow your ideas. This provides a solid structure.
task response
Including examples, such as the reference to national leaders and business environments, strengthens your argument by providing concrete illustrations of your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • emotional intelligence
  • democratic leadership
  • participation
  • collaboration
  • diverse leadership
  • decision-making
  • problem-solving
  • perspectives
  • compassionate
  • empathetic
  • supportive work environment
  • historical data
  • research
  • female-led businesses
  • financial performance
  • multitasking
  • managing complex projects
  • teams
What to do next:
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