IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe women are better leaders than men. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #women #leaders #men
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While
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 it is intensively debated that
women
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 are better leaders than
men
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as a result
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 of their unique characteristics
such
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 as
empathy
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,
detailed
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detail
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,
and
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apply
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good
negotiator
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negotiation
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 etc. making them
to
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apply
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outperform
men
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 leaders, others argue that they often too emotional, unrationale, and slower decision making
unlike
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, unlike
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 their male counterparts that might be threatening for highly competitive business aspect. Both
point
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points
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 of view and
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the reason
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reason
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reasons
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 why I support the former statement toward
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Correct article usage
the women
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women
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women's
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 side will
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further
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be further
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 discussed in
this
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 essay.
To begin
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 with, it may seem sensible for some to believe that
men
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usually
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are usually
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priased
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praised
 for being
a
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apply
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good
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leader
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leaders
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 over
women
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.
This
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 is possibly because of common males' stereotyped features
such
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 as being logical, rational,
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and face-paced
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face-paced
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fast-paced
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thinker
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thinkers
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 that are considered to be vital in today's society
along with
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 gender
role
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roles
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 that deepen in our society. Take
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leader
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the leader
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 of the nation,
For example
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; it is noticeable that
majority
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the majority
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 of
nation's
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the nation's
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leader
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leaders
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 across the globe are
men
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.
However
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, I personally argue in favour of
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women
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women's
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 leadership is more outstanding than
men
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 seeing that they tend to involve
empathy
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 and
more
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are more
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 delicate. To simply explain, though it is essential for
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leader
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a leader
the leader
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 to be logical and
all
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have all
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 of the above
men
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's characteristics as mentioned, it is crucial for
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leader
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a leader
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 to have
empathy
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 as
being
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apply
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a
leader
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.
Empathy
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 toward other subside
collegue
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colleagues
 is the key to leading a good team as it not only
create
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creates
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 a good relationship but
also
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promoting
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promotes
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 cooperation among the team for better performance.
Therefore
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, there is an
evident
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evidence
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 shown that a business run with
girl
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a girl
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 boss
are
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is
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 significantly demanded by the employee over
male
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a male
the male
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. In summary,
although
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 it is undeniable that
men
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often
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are often
show examples
 viewed to be the good
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leader
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leaders
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, I am of the opinion that
women
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 have more potential to lead others more efficiently which
outweight
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outweighs
 the aforementioned detrimental features.
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on

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coherence
To improve clarity, ensure that each paragraph centers on a single main point, using topic sentences to guide the reader. You can enhance the logical flow by connecting your ideas more coherently.
vocabulary
Try to use more specific and varied vocabulary, and be cautious of repeating the same words or phrases. This will make your argument more engaging and sophisticated.
grammar
Make sure to proofread your work to catch any spelling or grammatical errors. Improving grammatical accuracy will help you communicate your ideas more clearly.
task response
Your essay presents both sides of the argument, and you clearly state your position. This shows a good understanding of the task requirements.
coherence
Your introduction and conclusion help frame your essay, making it easier for the reader to follow your ideas. This provides a solid structure.
task response
Including examples, such as the reference to national leaders and business environments, strengthens your argument by providing concrete illustrations of your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • emotional intelligence
  • democratic leadership
  • participation
  • collaboration
  • diverse leadership
  • decision-making
  • problem-solving
  • perspectives
  • compassionate
  • empathetic
  • supportive work environment
  • historical data
  • research
  • female-led businesses
  • financial performance
  • multitasking
  • managing complex projects
  • teams
What to do next:
Look at other essays: