IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The line graph show the average number of weekly patients visiting four clinics of a hospital from 2010 to 2016. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The line graph show the average number of weekly patients visiting four clinics of a hospital from 2010 to 2016. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#line #show #patients #four #clinics #summarise #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The given graph demonstrates the weekly
number
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
visitors
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 4 particular
clinics
Use synonyms
 between 2010 and 2016.
Overall
Linking Words
, over 6
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
period, the
number
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 suffering from eye
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 saw the most significant increment among others. The figure of the
patients
Use synonyms
 who visited dental and birth control
clinics
Use synonyms
 stayed nearly
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
. In 2010, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
eye
Correct article usage
the eye
show examples
 clinic was around 125. By 2012,
this
Linking Words
fugure
Correct your spelling
figure
 had risen slightly to 150
patients
Use synonyms
. As of
this
Linking Words
 year, the
number
Use synonyms
continued
Add the particle
continued to
show examples
 get larger more dramatically and saw a peak of 350 people in the rest of the time period.
Also
Linking Words
, diabetic
clinics
Use synonyms
 were visited more in 6 years. Apart from
unchanged
Add an article
the unchanged
show examples
 period between 2012 and 2014,
this
Linking Words
 clinic branch saw
aproximately
Correct your spelling
approximately
 100 more
patients
Use synonyms
 and reached a peak of nearly 175
visitors
Use synonyms
. With the exception of fluctuations, the
number
Use synonyms
 of individuals visiting birth
clinics
Use synonyms
 stayed slightly under 250
patients
Use synonyms
along
Change preposition
over
show examples
 6 years.
Finally
Linking Words
, after
steady
Correct article usage
a steady
show examples
 decrement, which
stared
Correct your spelling
started
show examples
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2010, dental clinic
visitors
Use synonyms
 had increased their
number
Use synonyms
 gradually to nearly 125
patients
Use synonyms
 per week by 2016.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, visitors, clinics, patients with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "stayed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • average number
  • weekly patients
  • clinics
  • hospital
  • 2010-2016
  • line graph
  • summarize
  • main features
  • comparisons
  • relevant
  • significant changes
  • notable differences
  • similarities
  • yearly fluctuations
  • patterns
  • variations
  • general observation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: