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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You and some friends want to start a weekly dance club and you have found a hall that would be suitable to hold your meetings. Write a letter to the owner of the hall. In you letter, 1. explain your and your friends project 2. ask if it possible to rent the hall and under the what terms 3. state what day and what timings you would like to use the hall

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Good evening, dear sir/madam. My name is Anastassia. Me and my friends were interested
to start
Change preposition
in starting
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 weekly dance classes in our community. It will
encompasses
Change the verb form
encompass
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at
Change preposition
apply
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all ages and we have
a teachers
Correct the article-noun agreement
a teacher
teachers
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 for several
kind
Change to a plural noun
kinds
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 of dance like rumba, waltz, etc. We are interested
to make
Change preposition
in making
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 it affordable for all the neighbours, so we'll take the minimal fees. We tried to
usk
Correct your spelling
ask
 about the free space for our project in our community centre, but they have no opportunity to help us. So we are searching now for a suitable space with the best conditions. We
listened
Verb problem
heard
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 that you have a small pretty hall near the community centre, which may be the best place for us. We are very curious to know in what terms we can get it once weekly for our dance club. The best time for all will be in the evening, after 7 p.m., and we are very flexible. We'll l be glad to get your answer. Sincerely your's. Anastassia.

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coherence cohesion
Consider restructuring some sentences to improve clarity and readability. For instance, "Me and my friends were interested to start weekly dance classes in our community" can be rephrased to "My friends and I are interested in starting weekly dance classes in our community."
task achievement
The letter does well to convey the necessary details, but consider giving a bit more context about the importance or benefits of the project to strengthen the task response.
coherence cohesion
Ensure proper punctuation and grammar throughout the text, for example, replace "It will encompasses at all ages" with "It will encompass all ages."
greeting and closing
The letter includes a polite greeting and closing, which is important for formal communication.
task achievement
The purpose of the letter is clearly stated, and the main points are covered effectively.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • enthusiasts
  • promote
  • physical fitness
  • social interaction
  • inquire
  • rental terms
  • availability
  • deposit requirements
  • preferred
  • timing
  • existing schedule
  • conflict
  • events
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