During a recent plane journey, you sat next to a businessman who owns a chain of restaurants. You talked to him and he suggested that you should contact him about a possible job in one of his restaurants. Write a letter to this businessman. In your letter remind him when and where you met tell him what kind of job you are interested in say why you think you would be suitable for the job

#plane #journey #businessman #chain #restaurants #contact #job

Dear Mr Williams We had the pleasure of sitting next to each other during a flight from Ottawa to Los Angeles on the

14 th

Correct your spelling

14th

of August.I enjoyed our conversation and

also

you suggested I contact you about job opportunities. I am writing in order to express my interest in a position within your organization, specifically in

customer

service

.Given my background in

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

Customer

service

training and Cornell

University

Add a comma

University,

show examples

I believe that I could easily contribute to your team.

Also

Add a comma

Also,

show examples

I'm

very

Add an article

a very

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extroverted person so I could easily get on with people around me even though I'm seeing them for the first time. I am confident that my

customer

service

excellence would make me a valuable asset to your restaurant.My previous experiences in university made me

skillful

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skilful

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and knowledgeable.

Also

Add a comma

Also,

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I would love to work in

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apply

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customer

service

therefore

it is my major and

also

Rephrase

apply

show examples

I have been working as one for 3 years. Thank you for considering my application.I would love the opportunity to discuss

this

through

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apply

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roughly and how I can contribute to your business.Please feel free to contact me

any

Change preposition

at any

show examples

time. My number:09032400 Looking forward to your response. Yours sincerely Ravshanova Mars.

Submitted by omondavlat91 on Tue Aug 13 2024

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coherence cohesion

To improve the logical structure, ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Focus on separating ideas more clearly and using transitional phrases.

task achievement

Make sure to proofread for minor errors such as punctuation, capitalization, and spacing. This can lift the overall impression of your letter.

coherence cohesion

The greeting and closing are polite and appropriate for a professional letter.

task achievement

The writing tone is suitably professional and respectful, which is ideal for this context.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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3Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

9 paragraphs

195 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

chain of restaurants
potential job opportunity
relevant experience
managerial role
customer service
qualifications
certifications
unique skills
eagerness
admiration
resume
references
face-to-face meeting

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