IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The diagram showing how rainwater is collected for the use of drinking water in Australia town.

#rainwater #water #australia #town
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The diagram
showing
Wrong verb form
shows
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 how
rainwater
Use synonyms
 is collected for the use of drinking
water
Use synonyms
 in
Australia
Correct your spelling
Australian
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town
Fix the agreement mistake
towns
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. The diagram illustrates how an Australian town's citizens process
rainwater
Use synonyms
 to use as drinking
water
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
rainwater
Use synonyms
 passes through a two-stage purification process,
that is
Linking Words
, physical and chemical, to make it fit for human consumption.
Initially
Linking Words
, the gutters on the roofs collect the rain and
then
Linking Words
 it runs down the pipe at the side of the house into the drain at the bottom. Each house in the town collects
rainwater
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 way, and
then
Linking Words
 it passes along underground. First of all, collected
water
Use synonyms
 passes through a filter to remove any impurities. After filtration, the
water
Use synonyms
 flows through pipes into the storage tank. From
this
Linking Words
 point, it goes from storage to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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treatment, where it is treated with chemicals to make it fit for consumption by people. At
this
Linking Words
 stage of the process, the
water
Use synonyms
 is already drinkable, so it transfers back into the houses of Australian towns, where people can use it for daily consumption.
Submitted by moon2014angel on

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general
You have provided a clear and comprehensive description of the rainwater collection process. However, to enhance the essay, you might consider adding a brief concluding sentence to summarize the process or its significance.
coherence cohesion
In future essays, try to include more linking words or phrases to enhance coherence and make the text flow even more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure and clear progression of ideas, which makes it easy for the reader to follow.
task achievement
The introduction clearly rephrases the task question and sets the context for the reader.
task achievement
The essay uses appropriate vocabulary and explanations to describe the process without unnecessary repetition.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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