IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You work for an international company, and would like to spend six months working in its head office in another country. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter explain why you want to work in the company's head office for six months • say how your work could be done while you are away • ask for his/her help in arranging it

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Dear sir, My name is Rajwant Singh, and I am working in your company at Bradford branch. My employee number is ZP303. I'm writing
this
Linking Words
 letter in regard to
request
Correct pronoun usage
my request
show examples
 to you for my transfer to Toronto head office for 6 months because they are going to start a 6
months
Fix the agreement mistake
month
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 training session of advanced skills in artificial intelligence. During training. I will be in touch with Alex, as I had already discussed the situation
to
Change preposition
with
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 him and he agreed to handle my work.
Moreover
Linking Words
, I will be available 24
by
Change preposition
apply
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7 and you can reach me
out
Change preposition
apply
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why either
company's
Correct article usage
the company's
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 email or personal number for any information if required.
This
Linking Words
 session has limited seats, so
I
Correct pronoun usage
it
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could
Correct your spelling
would
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 be highly appreciated if you
can
Wrong verb form
could
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 give
my
Correct pronoun usage
me my
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 name.
Also
Linking Words
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 would be obliged if you could arrange my visit and accommodation for 6 months. I hope to polish my skills to take
company
Add an article
the company
a company
show examples
 to new heights. I hope you will take my request into consideration. Yours sincerely, Raj

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coherence cohesion
The letter could benefit from a clearer logical structure and flow between paragraphs. Consider ordering your points in a more organized fashion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains a single idea to improve clarity and readability. For example, separate your reasoning for the transfer request from the logistics of how your work will be handled.
task achievement
Check for consistency in formal tone throughout the letter. Using 'Dear Sir' and 'Yours sincerely' is excellent, but ensure the middle section reflects the same professionalism.
coherence cohesion
The greeting and closing of the letter are appropriately formal, which is suitable for the context of writing to a manager.
task achievement
The letter effectively addresses all three points requested: explaining the reason for the transfer, describing how work will be managed, and asking for assistance.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • professional advancement
  • cross-cultural collaboration
  • headquarters/ head office
  • global perspective
  • remote work
  • temporary assignment
  • team dynamics
  • networking opportunities
  • cultural immersion
  • succession planning
  • collaborative tools
  • time zone coordination
  • corporate hierarchy
  • relocation logistics
  • work-life balance
  • multinational environment
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