Many parents are unhappy with the amount of violence in video games, television programmes, and other leisure activities for children. How harmful, in your opinion, could this be to children? What could be done to solve this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience
There is no denying the fact that the increasing level of violence in video games, television, and other entertainment for
kids
free time Change noun form
kids'
kid's
are
making parents Change the verb form
is
concern
. Wrong verb form
concerned
This
essay will discuss on
how Change preposition
apply
this
influence
children and potential solutions to tackle Correct subject-verb agreement
influences
this
issue.
The modern era has provided a variety of entertainment methods for kids
. It has been a struggle for parents to manage the violence that happen
Change the verb form
happens
due to
the higher usage of electronic mood by children for fun.
To begin
with, children who spend more time in front of the television or video games, lack self-confident
, and communication with people. Replace the word
self-confidence
Moreover
, this
could cause disorders and mental health issues for kids
and
especially toddlers under eight. To exemplify, they will have Correct word choice
apply
eyes
issues Change the noun form
eye
and
that will lead them to have poor vision at a young age and Correct word choice
apply
also
they will have weak social communication with the environment that they are surrounded by.
To tackle this
issue, it is vital that the parents should change their parenting style and get closer to their child for guidance. For instance
, they could share some quality time together and also
could play board game
because that will increase the Fix the agreement mistake
games
child
thinking and productivity. Change noun form
child's
Thus
, it is clear that
a cooperative effort of elders and the government would come up with solutions.
In conclusion, society is worried about the young generation
future life, causing long-term problems in their lives. Change noun form
generation's
But still
, with suitable management towards the quest, there is a hope that Correct word choice
Still
this
issue will be tackled, and the kids
will use the electronics less with the resolutions laid in the hands of grownups.Submitted by yara_sharfo on
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coherence cohesion
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Make sure each main point is fully supported with clear and specific examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating more complex and varied sentence structures without compromising clarity.
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Consider integrating more relevant examples from real-life experiences or news to better illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which structure the argument effectively.
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The response addresses the prompt directly and provides an overview of both problems and solutions.
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The points made about gaming and TV impacting children's social skills and mental health are valid and relevant.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.