Many parents are unhappy with the amount of violence in video games, television programmes, and other leisure activities for children. How harmful, in your opinion, could this be to children? What could be done to solve this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

#parents #amount #violence #video #games #television #programmes #leisure #activities #children #be

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There is no denying the fact that the increasing level of violence in video games, television, and other entertainment for

Use synonyms

kids

Change noun form

kids'

kid's

show examples

free time

are

Change the verb form

show examples

making parents

concern

Wrong verb form

concerned

show examples

This

Linking Words

essay will discuss

Change preposition

apply

show examples

how

this

Linking Words

influence

Correct subject-verb agreement

influences

show examples

children and potential solutions to tackle

this

Linking Words

issue. The modern era has provided a variety of entertainment methods for

kids

Use synonyms

. It has been a struggle for parents to manage the violence that

happen

Change the verb form

happens

show examples

due to

Linking Words

the higher usage of electronic mood by children for fun.

To begin

Linking Words

with, children who spend more time in front of the television or video games, lack

self-confident

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self-confidence

show examples

, and communication with people.

Moreover

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

could cause disorders and mental health issues for

kids

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and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

especially toddlers under eight. To exemplify, they will have

eyes

Change the noun form

eye

show examples

issues

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

that will lead them to have poor vision at a young age and

also

Linking Words

they will have weak social communication with the environment that they are surrounded by. To tackle

this

Linking Words

issue, it is vital that the parents should change their parenting style and get closer to their child for guidance.

For instance

Linking Words

, they could share some quality time together and

also

Linking Words

could play board

game

Fix the agreement mistake

games

show examples

because that will increase the

child

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child's

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thinking and productivity.

Thus

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it is clear that

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a cooperative effort of elders and the government would come up with solutions. In conclusion, society is worried about the young

generation

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generation's

show examples

future life, causing long-term problems in their lives.

But still

Correct word choice

Still

show examples

, with suitable management towards the quest, there is a hope that

this

Linking Words

issue will be tackled, and the

kids

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will use the electronics less with the resolutions laid in the hands of grownups.

Submitted by yara_sharfo on Wed Aug 14 2024

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coherence cohesion

To improve the coherence and cohesion, add transitional phrases and make the flow of ideas smoother.

task achievement

Make sure each main point is fully supported with clear and specific examples.

coherence cohesion

Work on creating more complex and varied sentence structures without compromising clarity.

task achievement

Consider integrating more relevant examples from real-life experiences or news to better illustrate your points.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which structure the argument effectively.

task achievement

The response addresses the prompt directly and provides an overview of both problems and solutions.

task achievement

The points made about gaming and TV impacting children's social skills and mental health are valid and relevant.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

271 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

desensitize
aggression
mental health
social interactions
inappropriate behavior
monitor
age-appropriate
educational institutions
critical thinking
stricter regulations
content ratings
enforce
alternative leisure activities
impact
exposure

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More and more information about the lives of celebrities is found in newspapers, magazines, and online. Why is this happening? What are the disadvantages for the reading public?

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Some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. Others believe that children should be allowed to use their phones. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Innovation is often driven by the pursuit of profit and economic growth. However, some argue that it should prioritize addressing social and environmental issues. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.