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Writing Samples /
Band 5

During a recent plane journey, you sat next to a businessman who owns a chain of restaurants. You talked to him and he suggested that you should contact him about a possible job in one of his restaurants. Write a letter to this businessman. In your letter remind him when and where you met tell him what kind of job you are interested in say why you think you would be suitable for the job

#plane #journey #businessman #chain #restaurants #contact #job
Dear Sir, I am writing to you
express
Fix the infinitive
to express
show examples
 my interest in your job
for
Change preposition
as
show examples
waitress
Add an article
a waitress
show examples
position
. You might
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not remember me but I can remind you by myself. 2 weeks ago I was going to Turkey to see Hande Erçel and when I was in the airport I crushed you you
apologizing
Wrong verb form
apologised
show examples
checked
Correct word choice
and checked
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 in. As I reached my seat I came across you again. Later
on
Add a comma
on,
show examples
 we got acquainted. You informed me about a chain of your restaurants and
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
several businesses. After
acquaintanceship
Add a comma
acquaintanceship,
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 I told you that I was out of work at the moment as well I needed a job promptly. As you heard my words you suggested
me
Correct pronoun usage
I
show examples
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
contact
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
you about a possible job in one of your restaurants. That's why I
desided
Correct your spelling
decided
 to contact
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
you.
My
Correct pronoun usage
I
show examples
interest
Replace the word
interested
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 in your restaurant for
waitress
Correct article usage
a waitress
show examples
position
 for
Correct article usage
the begginning
show examples
begginning
Correct your spelling
beginning
. Perhaps, 3 or 4 months later you would want me to get a promotion. Actually, I fancy to manager
position
 because I have an outgoing personality and I am a team player. As well I have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
management ability
however
Add the comma(s)
, however
show examples
,
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
Correct your spelling
beginning
begginning
Add a comma
begginning,
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 I could work in
waitress
Correct article usage
a waitress
show examples
position
. I look forward to
hear
Change the verb form
hearing
show examples
 from you. Yours faithfully, Hayat
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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task achievement
Try to correct the small grammatical and spelling errors to improve the overall readability. For instance, change 'decided' and 'beginning' to their correct spellings.
task achievement
Providing more details about your relevant experience and skills can make your case stronger and more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth flow between sentences and paragraphs. Make sure each idea connects logically to the next one for better coherence.
task achievement
You have included all the necessary details: reminding the businessman of the meeting, expressing your interest in a job, and explaining why you are suitable.
coherence cohesion
Your letter has appropriate greeting and closing, which adheres to the formal tone required in such letters.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • chain of restaurants
  • potential job opportunity
  • relevant experience
  • managerial role
  • customer service
  • qualifications
  • certifications
  • unique skills
  • eagerness
  • admiration
  • resume
  • references
  • face-to-face meeting
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