During a recent plane journey, you sat next to a businessman who owns a chain of restaurants. You talked to him and he suggested that you should contact him about a possible job in one of his restaurants. Write a letter to this businessman. In your letter remind him when and where you met tell him what kind of job you are interested in say why you think you would be suitable for the job
Dear Sir,
I am writing to you
express
my interest in your job Fix the infinitive
to express
for
Change preposition
as
waitress
Add an article
a waitress
position
.
You might do
not remember me but I can remind you by myself. 2 weeks ago I was going to Turkey to see Hande Erçel and when I was in the airport I crushed you you Unnecessary verb
apply
apologizing
Wrong verb form
apologised
checked
in. As I reached my seat I came across you again. Later Correct word choice
and checked
on
we got acquainted. You informed me about a chain of your restaurants and Add a comma
on,
a
several businesses. After Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
acquaintanceship
I told you that I was out of work at the moment as well I needed a job promptly. As you heard my words you suggested Add a comma
acquaintanceship,
me
Correct pronoun usage
I
to
contact Fix the infinitive
apply
with
you about a possible job in one of your restaurants.
That's why I Change preposition
apply
desided
to contact Correct your spelling
decided
with
you. Change preposition
apply
My
Correct pronoun usage
I
interest
in your restaurant for Replace the word
interested
waitress
Correct article usage
a waitress
position
for Correct article usage
the begginning
begginning
. Perhaps, 3 or 4 months later you would want me to get a promotion.
Actually, I fancy to manager Correct your spelling
beginning
position
because I have an outgoing personality and I am a team player. As well I have a
management ability Correct article usage
apply
however
, Add the comma(s)
, however
for
Change preposition
in
Correct your spelling
beginning
begginning
I could work in Add a comma
begginning,
waitress
Correct article usage
a waitress
position
.
I look forward to hear
from you.
Yours faithfully,
HayatChange the verb form
hearing
Submitted by omondavlat91 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Try to correct the small grammatical and spelling errors to improve the overall readability. For instance, change 'decided' and 'beginning' to their correct spellings.
task achievement
Providing more details about your relevant experience and skills can make your case stronger and more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth flow between sentences and paragraphs. Make sure each idea connects logically to the next one for better coherence.
task achievement
You have included all the necessary details: reminding the businessman of the meeting, expressing your interest in a job, and explaining why you are suitable.
coherence cohesion
Your letter has appropriate greeting and closing, which adheres to the formal tone required in such letters.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS
Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!