IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The table below shows how the UK unemployed spent their time last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows how the UK unemployed spent their time last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#uk #time #year #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The table above illustrates the daily activities done by unoccupied people in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Kingdom
last
Linking Words
 year.
Overall
Linking Words
, the majority of jobless
women
Use synonyms
 spent their day
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
doing household chores,
while
Linking Words
 the
men
Use synonyms
’s activities were more varied,
such
Linking Words
 as job hunting and shopping in the morning,
then
Linking Words
 enjoying TV and gardening in the
afternoon
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, 22%
Use synonyms
men
Change preposition
of men
show examples
 allocated their morning period to find job vacancies. Followed by 20% of them invested
to shop
Change preposition
in shopping
show examples
 and 19% of them concentrated
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 housework.
While
Linking Words
 in the
afternoon
Use synonyms
, more than half of the unemployed
men
Use synonyms
 spent
this
Linking Words
 period
to do
Change the verb form
doing
show examples
 their hobbies,
for instance
Linking Words
, gardening, watching
TV’s
Change noun form
TV
show examples
 programs, walking, etc. As for the
women
Use synonyms
, both morning and
afternoon
Use synonyms
, the majority (49% in the morning and 21% in the
afternoon
Use synonyms
) of them allocated their time to finish their house tasks.
Then
Linking Words
, 26%
Use synonyms
women
Change preposition
of women
show examples
were
Verb problem
went
show examples
 shopping in the morning,
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
17%
others
Change preposition
of others
show examples
 did it in the evening.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the table shows the percentage of unemployed
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Kingdom
last
Linking Words
 year doing various activities to finish their whole day. Most of the
women
Use synonyms
 concentrated
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 finishing their household tasks,
while
Linking Words
 the
men
Use synonyms
 gave their time to find job vacancies in the morning
Linking Words
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
 did their hobbies in the evening.
Submitted by annisaseptidwiyanti on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last, while".
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words women, afternoon, men with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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