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Writing Samples
Band 7

The table below shows the percentage participation of women in senior management in three companies between 1975 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows the percentage participation of women in senior management in three companies between 1975 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#percentage #participation #women #management #three #companies #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The graph displays the
percentage
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 of
women
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 managers in Eldan
Ltd
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, Bamforth
Ltd
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 and Finsbury
Ltd
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 from 1975 to 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, the participation of females in senior management tended to go up
year
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 after
year
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 in the 3 companies
finished
Correct pronoun usage
that finished
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 the period Eldan
Ltd
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 with the highest
percentage
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, Bamford
Ltd
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 with second place and Finsbury
Ltd
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 with the lowest proportion. Eldan
Ltd
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 in 1975 and 1980 had the lowest participation of
women
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 in management,
however
Linking Words
 from 1980 to 2015 the proportion abruptly increased throughout the years
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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in 2015 the company with the highest proportion of
women
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 participating in senior management with 64% of workers. Finsbury
Ltd
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 started in 1975 with the highest
percentage
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 of
women
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with
Change preposition
at
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 16%, but throughout the years the
percentage
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 of senior managers slightly decreased
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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1990 and 2015 the years with most
women
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 working
with
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at
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 20% and 26% respectively. Bamford
Ltd
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 started with 9% in 1975, but,
year
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 after
year
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 the participation of
women
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 slightly increased reaching
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second place with 46% of
women
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 managers in 2015.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, women, ltd, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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