IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many employees may work at home with modern technology. Some people claim that it benefits only the workers, but not the employers. Do you agree or disagree?

#employees #work #home #technology #people #workers #employers
Nowadays,
technologic
Replace the word
technological
show examples
 improvements allow individuals to
work
 remotely.
According to
 many,
this
 development is positive for only employees, yet not for the bosses. I totally disagree with
this
 view on the grounds that working at home decreases
office
expendatures
Correct your spelling
expenditures
expenditure
 and as employers
also
 go to
work
, they benefit
the
Change preposition
from the
show examples
 same advantages
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
 workers. Implemented in
pandemic
Add an article
the pandemic
show examples
 period, remote working changed companies' routine
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
. With
this
 revolutionary upgrade, both job owners and their staff have been economically comfortable.
Whereas
 workers had to spend for food and transportation, today
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
spendatures
Correct your spelling
spending
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 been eliminated.
Moreover
, since nobody has to go to the
office
, employers
also
 got rid of particular expenses
such
 as
office
 bills, rent, and food.
Furthermore
,
as well as
 staff, upper management
also
 must be at
office
Add an article
the office
show examples
 in order to observe workflow.
Therefore
, benefits that have been obtained by employees as
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result of working at home are valid for them too. Bosses can
work
 in their home's lovely
athmosphere
Correct your spelling
atmosphere
. They do not have to dress up,
for instance
, or do not need to spend large amounts of money and time to arrive workplace. In
this
 context, they may sustain their both family and
work
 lives.
Hence
,
this
 new revolutionary regulation is utterly favourable for each side. In conclusion,
due to
 the fact that regardless their rank, remotely working affects every working person positively
in humane
Correct your spelling
inhumane
show examples
 and
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 aspects.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to further develop some arguments with more detailed examples or statistics. This will make your essay more convincing and comprehensive.
task achievement
Work on ensuring all of your points are well-supported. Some areas could use a bit more evidence to strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Be cautious with minor grammar errors and word choices, such as 'spendatures'. Use 'expenses' instead, which is more commonly used and grammatically correct.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure the flow between your ideas is smooth within and between paragraphs. While your logical structure is solid, it can be improved with more seamless transitions and clearer sentence structures.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame your argument. This provides a clear structure for your essay.
task achievement
You successfully present a complete and clear response to the task question, addressing both perspectives on the issue.
task achievement
Main points are generally well-supported and relevant to the topic.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: