IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many claim that the fast food industry had a negative impact on the environment ,eating habits and families. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#food #industry #impact #environment #habits #families
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Studies have shown that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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junk
foods
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food
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enstablishment
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establishments
had
Wrong verb form
have
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 a drawback
consequence
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consequences
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 on the environment, societies, and
the
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apply
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dietary patterns. I totally agree with the statement and will explain in detail
on
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in
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 the following paragraph.
To begin
 with, fast foods contain a higher amount of
chemical
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chemicals
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, fats and sugars potentially
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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detrimental to one's well-being and cost of living.
However
, it is the most accessible to those who are fast-paced workers with no time to cook their own meals.
Subsequently
,
this
 pattern would develop an unhealthy eating habit that
lead
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leads
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 to diseases
such
 as obesity and heart problems.
Moreover
, a higher cost of living since the healthcare services in
such
 high demands to treat sick people.
In addition
, the convenience
food
 industry contributes significantly to environmental pollution. Most of the
food
 factories
used
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use
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 plastic in the packaging process.
Thus
, plastic does not biodegrade, it
took
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takes
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 one thousand years to break down, at which point it will reach to
environment
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environmental
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 crisis where
human
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humans
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, wild animals and marine species could get hurt.
For instance
, every year, eight million tons of plastic waste escapes into the oceans from coastal nations, causing aquatic species to digest
such
 materials and die.
Lastly
, looking at the effect on
family's
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family
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traditional
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traditions
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 and relationships.
For example
, when people
were started
Wrong verb form
start
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 to purchase outside foods regularly, it will
effect
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affect
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 the traditional way of
food
 preparation which is important to preserve so they can pass on to
the
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apply
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future generations to learn about their heritage and culture. By the same token, it reduces the time families spend together by preparing and eating home-cooked meals with
the
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their
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love
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loved
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 ones. In conclusion, I strongly agree with
this
 trend, considering that the fast
food
 company has a negative development which
include
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includes
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 unbalanced eating habits
lead
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leading
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 to illnesses, pollution to the world, and effects on family bonding connection and a traditional method of
food
 preparation.
Submitted by tifjong on

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coherence cohesion
Consider organizing your main points more logically. For instance, first discuss the impacts on health, then move to environmental effects, and finally family impacts. This will improve the logical flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Improve sentence structure and grammar. There are several small grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that slightly detract from the clarity of your points. For instance, 'to one's well-being and cost of living' could be more clearly expressed as 'to one's health and incur healthcare costs'.
task achievement
Provide a more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures. This will elevate the sophistication of your writing and demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.
task achievement
The essay clearly states the writer's position on the issue from the beginning and maintains this stance throughout the essay.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant and specific examples to support the main points, especially the statistics regarding plastic waste in the oceans.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and provide a clear starting and ending point to the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • environmental pollution
  • packaging waste
  • high energy consumption
  • convenience
  • marketing strategies
  • unhealthy eating habits
  • high consumption of fats
  • processed foods
  • family dynamics
  • home-cooked meals
  • healthier options
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