IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

More and more people are working from rather than at the workplace. Some people say this will bring benefits to the workers and their families, but others think it will bring stress to the home. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #workplace #workers #families #stress #home
In
this
 era of modern technology, remote
work
 can be as effective and productive as office
work
. We, as a humanity, have already proven
this
 during the COVID-19 pandemic, when the world suddenly stopped its activities and started to find new ways to adapt to these sudden changes. That includes the way that we
work
.
This
 new method of
work
, called remote
work
, allows
workers
 to have more to spend with their families and save more money since they do not need to pay anything to commute or lunch. It will
also
 provide
workers
 with the ability to choose the most comfortable workplace,
thus
 bringing more happiness to the
workers
. Unfortunately, these positive ideas of remote
work
 are sometimes not as good as they should be once it is applied. There have been many cases where remote
work
 causes families to separate
instead
 since not all
workers
 can manage their time well,
thus
 affecting their time with their families. Sometimes, the workplace could
also
 be the cause of it because they assume since the
work
 is available to do at home,
then
 it could be done as quickly as possible, even after
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
regular office hours, without thinking about their
workers
' other activities at home.
Nevertheless
, in my opinion, remote
work
 could become something
that is
 more chosen by people in the near future, especially if
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 done right.
Submitted by megyfebryanisyah on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
You have responded to the task effectively, but try to include more specific examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Your main ideas are clear but make sure to separate the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion distinctly to improve the essay's structure.
task response
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and sets up the discussion well.
coherence and cohesion
You establish a balanced discussion, considering both the pros and cons of remote work.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • telecommuting
  • remote work
  • work-life balance
  • flexible schedule
  • overhead costs
  • commuting
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • isolation
  • team cohesion
  • domestic responsibilities
  • work attire
  • financial savings
  • blurred boundaries
  • mental health
  • social interaction
  • downsizing
What to do next:
Look at other essays: