IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

"Environmental problems are becoming a global issue. Some people believe that individuals are responsible for solving environmental problems, while others think that it is the responsibility of governments and international organizations. Discuss both views and give your opinion."

#people #individuals #responsibility #governments #organizations
No one can deny that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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environmental pollution
are
Change the verb form
is
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 one of the most concerning
matter
Change to a plural noun
matters
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 in
this
 modern era. It is
debatad
Correct your spelling
debatable
 among the
people
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
who should take care of
such
 issues whether the government, global
corporation
Fix the agreement mistake
corporations
show examples
 or communities. I think it is every individual's role to maintain a better world to live.
To begin
 with, looking at the authority perspective. They should have the power to implement regulations
to
Change preposition
for
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 the locals. When a law has been established, the
people
 will follow
to
Correct pronoun usage
it to
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 avoid getting a penalty.
For instance
, increasing taxes on car
ownerships
Fix the agreement mistake
ownership
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help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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reducing
Wrong verb form
reduce
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 emissions of carbon monoxide that lead to air pollution in the
long-term
Correct your spelling
long term
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.
As a result
, there will be a limit on car usage and more
people
 commuting
public
Change preposition
on public
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transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
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such
 as buses and trains.
In addition
, international organizations should promote awareness and education about the
significant
Replace the word
significance
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 of waste
managements
Fix the agreement mistake
management
show examples
 namely reduce, reuse and recycling.
For instance
, if a young age has explored
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 level of sanitation, surely they will understand and develop a sense of responsibility in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good ways, which will be beneficial to the earth.
On the other hand
, individuals play
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 important role in maintaining the environment. When
people
 have consciousness to preserve and appreciate the value of the world
then
 it can save for the next generations to explore.
For instance
, conserving water utilisation or electricity reduction to prevent waste of resources and global warming. In conclusion, I believe that
with
Change preposition
apply
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support from the upper class and
individuals
Change noun form
individuals'
individual's
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role
Fix the agreement mistake
roles
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 in maintaining, surely
can
Verb problem
apply
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reduce the
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 problems.
Therefore
, I think it is every
human-being
Correct your spelling
human being
show examples
 responsibility to act.
Submitted by tifjong on

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Grammar
The essay has some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that affect readability. For example, 'the environmental pollution are' should be 'environmental pollution is' and 'debatad' should be 'debated.'
Supporting Details
The main points would benefit from further development and support. For example, the discussion on individuals conserving water and reducing electricity use could include more detailed explanations or additional examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the logical structure by ensuring each paragraph flows smoothly from one idea to the next. Transitional phrases or sentences could help here.
Grammar
Pronouns like 'they' should have a clear antecedent, as in 'if a young age has explored to this level of sanitation' which could be revised for clarity.
General
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame the discussion effectively.
Task Achievement
The essay covers both perspectives on the debate, showing an understanding of the prompt’s requirements.
Task Achievement
Specific examples, such as increasing taxes on car ownership and promoting waste management, help ground the essay in practical realities.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • global issue
  • cumulatively
  • significant impact
  • conserving water and energy
  • coordinated government policies
  • international agreements
  • climate change
  • deforestation
  • implement regulations
  • carbon emissions
  • incentives
  • renewable energy
  • systemic change
  • facilitate cooperation
  • global initiatives
  • holistic approach
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