IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Does this development have more advantages or disadvatages?

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As our world
is increasingly become
Change to the active voice
increasingly becomes
has increasingly become
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 globalised, individuals are now more willing and able to find employment far away from their birthplace.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 trend has certain drawbacks, I believe that the advantages are far more significant. On the one hand, the mobility of labour for work is obviously clear. One of them is
separation
Add an article
the separation
a separation
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 of families and friends. People who work far away cannot visit their families often and they do not see their childhood friends as well.
As a result
Linking Words
, they tend to feel empty and lonelier which may impact
to
Change preposition
apply
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their performance at the office.
Furthermore
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, if workers do not return back home, local companies may struggle to find employees to grow their businesses.
For instance
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, most of South Asia Countries have a large scale of the adult population who works abroad.
This
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 situation could lead to
the
Correct article usage
a
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 lack of local employees that
impact
Correct subject-verb agreement
impacts
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to
Change preposition
apply
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the progression of local businesses. Today, for many people, looking for a job beyond
hometown
Correct pronoun usage
their hometown
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 has some positive measures. First of all, they provide higher salaries and better employment opportunities. In most big cities,
for example
Linking Words
, there are many job vacancies in different industries and
thus
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, many companies facilitate career advancement in various
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
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.
Moreover
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, people can
also
Linking Words
 send their money to their families
as well as
Linking Words
 accumulate savings and
learning
Wrong verb form
learn
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 new skills, establishing businesses in their hometown which can contribute to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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economic growth. In conclusion,
it is clear that
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 looking for
an
Remove the article
apply
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employment within national borders or abroad may happen
with
Change preposition
for
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 some specific reasons.
Although
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 there are some possible downsides of working away, I believe that the potential benefits
outweighed
Wrong verb form
outweigh
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 its disadvantages.

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task achievement
You could strengthen your argument by providing more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This would make your essay more convincing and align with the requirement for relevant specific examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical structure of your essay. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your ideas flow smoothly from one to another. Using linking words and phrases effectively can improve this aspect.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are present, try to make them more impactful. For instance, your conclusion should succinctly summarize your main points and reinforce your position, leaving a strong final impression.
content
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic, and you have identified both the advantages and disadvantages of moving away for work.
structure
You have provided a logical and well-structured introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your essay effectively.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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