Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Does this development have more advantages or disadvatages?
As our world
is increasingly become
globalised, individuals are now more willing and able to find employment far away from their birthplace. Change to the active voice
increasingly becomes
has increasingly become
Although
this
trend has certain drawbacks, I believe that the advantages are far more significant.
On the one hand, the mobility of labour for work is obviously clear. One of them is separation
of families and friends. People who work far away cannot visit their families often and they do not see their childhood friends as well. Add an article
the separation
a separation
As a result
, they tend to feel empty and lonelier which may impact to
their performance at the office. Change preposition
apply
Furthermore
, if workers do not return back home, local companies may struggle to find employees to grow their businesses. For instance
, most of South Asia Countries have a large scale of the adult population who works abroad. This
situation could lead to the
lack of local employees that Correct article usage
a
impact
Correct subject-verb agreement
impacts
to
the progression of local businesses.
Today, for many people, looking for a job beyond Change preposition
apply
hometown
has some positive measures. First of all, they provide higher salaries and better employment opportunities. In most big cities, Correct pronoun usage
their hometown
for example
, there are many job vacancies in different industries and thus
, many companies facilitate career advancement in various way
. Fix the agreement mistake
ways
Moreover
, people can also
send their money to their families as well as
accumulate savings and learning
new skills, establishing businesses in their hometown which can contribute to Wrong verb form
learn
the
economic growth.
In conclusion, Correct article usage
apply
it is clear that
looking for an
employment within national borders or abroad may happen Remove the article
apply
with
some specific reasons. Change preposition
for
Although
there are some possible downsides of working away, I believe that the potential benefits outweighed
its disadvantages.Wrong verb form
outweigh
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task achievement
You could strengthen your argument by providing more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This would make your essay more convincing and align with the requirement for relevant specific examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical structure of your essay. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your ideas flow smoothly from one to another. Using linking words and phrases effectively can improve this aspect.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are present, try to make them more impactful. For instance, your conclusion should succinctly summarize your main points and reinforce your position, leaving a strong final impression.
content
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic, and you have identified both the advantages and disadvantages of moving away for work.
structure
You have provided a logical and well-structured introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your essay effectively.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic
IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.
Answer structure for the type of essay
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – advantages
- Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- The main advantage is...
- The disadvantage of this...
- The main benefit...
- Despite these advantages...
- One possible drawback...