Some people think sports games are important for society, while others believe they should be taken as leisure activities. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #sports #games #society #leisure #activities

There is an inconclusive debate about whether

sports

games an important social

activity

Fix the agreement mistake

activities

show examples

or it is just individual free time activities.Both of these views will be discussed in detail before the conclusion is reached. On the one hand,

Sports

are crucial for social unity and the progression of countries.

For example

,In the Olympic Games whenever

people

in nations watch their representative athletes,they tend to feel more harmonious.National unity is crucial for development.

In other words

,difficult obstacles are easier to solve by cohesion rather than one person.

Additionally

,as an athlete himself playing

sports

games for society can help him develop multiple

skills

which are teamwork

skills

,problem-solving

skills

and patient

skills

Furthermore

sports

are one type of

exercise

meaning playing

sports

benefits

Change preposition

apply

show examples

people

's health ,particularly if

sports

are part of social activities,it will encourage others to

exercise

,and improve the majority of

people

's well-being which leads to

lower

Add an article

the lower

show examples

death rate in nations and lower costs spending on treating diseases that occurred

due to

lacking

Remove the preposition

apply

show examples

exercise

,so the

countries's

Remove the s

countries'

show examples

budget can spend on others aspects to improve nationality.

On the other hand

,Some might argue that

sports

should be only an individual choice to do.

According to

different

Add an article

the different

show examples

ability

Fix the agreement mistake

abilities

show examples

to play

sport

Fix the agreement mistake

sports

show examples

,Some

people

who do not have

skill

Fix the agreement mistake

skills

show examples

might feel pressure to play.

Moreover

considering social benefits,they have better ways to improve society rather than do something they are not capable of carrying.

Besides

exercise

are various types to do ,so they should not be obligated to only

sports

. In conclusion,these two opinions on

this

topic,it is a very personal question based on their preference for

sports

.Both of these have benefits and drawbacks that should be considered personally

Submitted by chawanat.pla on Sat Aug 24 2024

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task achievement

Your essay would benefit from a more clearly defined thesis statement in the introduction. Ensure that your main argument is easily identifiable to the reader.

coherence cohesion

The cohesion of the essay can be improved by using more transitional phrases and signal words to guide the reader through your arguments.

coherence cohesion

Pay more attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence variety to enhance the clarity of your ideas.

task achievement

You presented both sides of the argument well and provided relevant examples.

coherence cohesion

Your conclusion effectively wraps up the discussion, though it could be strengthened by restating the key points more clearly.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

265 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think sports games are important for society, while others believe they should be taken as leisure activities. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In many countries, individuals or their employers pay for medical treatment. Should the government be more responsible for the health of their citizens? Discuss and give your opinion.

QUESTION 👉The arts, including art, music and theatre are considered to be important in society. Do you think the arts still have a place amongst our modern lifestyles? Should the arts be included in the school curriculum?

Research shows that global warming is caused by human activity. What are the possible effects of climate change and what can governments and individuals do to reduce these?

Some people says that e books and modern technology will totally replace traditional newspapers and magazines?To what extent do you agree or disagree