Some people think sports games are important for society, while others believe they should be taken as leisure activities. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #sports #games #society #leisure #activities

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There is an inconclusive debate about whether

sports

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games an important social

activity

Fix the agreement mistake

activities

show examples

or it is just individual free time activities.Both of these views will be discussed in detail before the conclusion is reached. On the one hand,

Sports

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are crucial for social unity and the progression of countries.

For example

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,In the Olympic Games whenever

people

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in nations watch their representative athletes,they tend to feel more harmonious.National unity is crucial for development.

In other words

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,difficult obstacles are easier to solve by cohesion rather than one person.

Additionally

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,as an athlete himself playing

sports

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games for society can help him develop multiple

skills

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which are teamwork

skills

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,problem-solving

skills

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and patient

skills

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Furthermore

Linking Words

sports

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are one type of

exercise

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meaning playing

sports

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benefits

Change preposition

apply

show examples

people

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's health ,particularly if

sports

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are part of social activities,it will encourage others to

exercise

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,and improve the majority of

people

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's well-being which leads to

lower

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the lower

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death rate in nations and lower costs spending on treating diseases that occurred

due to

Linking Words

lacking

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apply

show examples

exercise

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,so the

countries's

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countries'

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budget can spend on others aspects to improve nationality.

On the other hand

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,Some might argue that

sports

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should be only an individual choice to do.

According to

Linking Words

different

Add an article

the different

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ability

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abilities

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to play

sport

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sports

show examples

,Some

people

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who do not have

skill

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skills

show examples

might feel pressure to play.

Moreover

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considering social benefits,they have better ways to improve society rather than do something they are not capable of carrying.

Besides

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exercise

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are various types to do ,so they should not be obligated to only

sports

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. In conclusion,these two opinions on

this

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topic,it is a very personal question based on their preference for

sports

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.Both of these have benefits and drawbacks that should be considered personally

Submitted by chawanat.pla on Sat Aug 24 2024

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task achievement

Your essay would benefit from a more clearly defined thesis statement in the introduction. Ensure that your main argument is easily identifiable to the reader.

coherence cohesion

The cohesion of the essay can be improved by using more transitional phrases and signal words to guide the reader through your arguments.

coherence cohesion

Pay more attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence variety to enhance the clarity of your ideas.

task achievement

You presented both sides of the argument well and provided relevant examples.

coherence cohesion

Your conclusion effectively wraps up the discussion, though it could be strengthened by restating the key points more clearly.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

265 words

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Some people think sports games are important for society, while others believe they should be taken as leisure activities. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

As compared to the past, children these days spend more of their leisure time indoors with computures and TV and less time outdoors. Describe some of the problems this lack of outdoor leisure time can cause and suggest at least one possible solution.

Some people believe that it is better for children to grow up in the countryside, while others argue that living in cities is more beneficial. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Playing computer games only has negative effects on children. To what extent do you agree or disagree

It was common in the past for people to retire at 60. Now more and more people are choosing to continue working past the official retirement age, with some countries even increasing the official age of retirement. Do you agree or disagree with this change? Why?