IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 1

Some people believe that a job provides both income and for a social life, while others think that friends should be made outside of work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #job #income #life #friends #work
In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 to agree or disagree with the
statement
Add a comma
statement,
show examples
 Some people believe that a job provides both income and
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a social life,
while
 others think that friends should be made outside of
work
.I present agreement supporting the views after which , some aspects in
this
 essay I will discuss each view Matter of considerable debate some people agree with
this
 statement that a job provides both
income
Change to a plural noun
incomes
show examples
 and
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a social life for many important reasons the most important
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
 is that
work
linked
Add a missing verb
is linked
show examples
 with
soical
Correct your spelling
social
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
growth the social increases
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work
 There is an inverse relationship between them. Apart from the practical concerns expressed above , l
also
 believe that it would be unfair not
made
Verb problem
to make
show examples
 friendships outside
work
. I consider made and
work
 to item become the
work
 perfect
Submitted by um.maktoum2014 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Your essay would benefit from a clear introduction and conclusion. Consider starting with an introductory paragraph that outlines both views and states your opinion. Conclude with a summary of your main points and restate your opinion.
supported main points
Currently, the main ideas of the essay are not fully developed, and the argument is somewhat unclear. Each paragraph should focus on a single main point and provide specific examples and evidence to support it.
logical structure
Try to ensure that your essay has a logical structure. Each paragraph should link smoothly to the next, using cohesive devices and clear transitions.
relevant specific examples
Provide specific examples to substantiate your points. This will make your argument more convincing and comprehensive.
complete response
You have attempted to address both views, showing an understanding of the topic.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your essay shows a strong attempt to express complex ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: