Some employers offer their employees subsidized membership of gyms and sport clubs, believe that this will make their staff healthier and more effective at work. Other employees find no benefit doing so. Discuss both views.?

Most
staff
officer is given by the
company
the facilities
sports
club and
also
they get
card
membership to join gyms, that would make their
staff
more well beings and focused at work.
Nevertheless
, other employees argue there is no benefit
from
Correct pronoun usage
from it
show examples
. Because health is pivotal for
staff
members
,
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
company
gives membership for their employees to follow
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
clubs
likewise
soccer and gym. Other
staff
think
that is
not effective because it is spending many
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
and
energy
.
This
essay will discuss both views. On the one hand, some
staff
officer
Fix the agreement mistake
officers
show examples
have the opinion joining a soccer club makes more healthier.
However
, they will burn their calories which are not outstanding for their well-being.
For
this
reason, why the
company
help them to give
card
members
when they want to join the
sports
clubs they can get a discount,
such
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
members
can get
free
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
50 %
if
Change preposition
off if
show examples
they use the
card
given by employers.
As a result
, they are healthier than
staff
not join
sports
programs. After that, they have more
energy
than employment
not
Add the comma(s)
, not
show examples
regular physical exercise.
On the other hand
, some employers argue that spending
much
Rephrase
too much
show examples
time. Since they must regularly join the
sports
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
programs,
for example
, footballs and gyms.
Therefore
, they decide no join the club’s
members
.
Although
companies are given free to join there,
staff
think that does not impact for occupation.
in addition
, they could be spending much more
energy
to do
sports
. when they play futsal, the
staff
becomes exhausted because it spent
energy
.
Consequently
, after joining clubs and gym programs; they will not focus on work
To sum up
, most
staff
are helped
card
members
by
company
which is support their healthy. After that, they will focus on doing their work.
Nevertheless
, other employees think that it does not impact the performance of their jobs because it
take
Change the verb form
takes
show examples
a lot of time and
energy
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Make a clear distinction between both viewpoints and present them one after another in clearly separated paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points and address any counterarguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your introduction introduces the topic clearly and your conclusion summarizes the main arguments clearly.
Task Achievement
There is an effort to discuss both viewpoints, which is important for this type of essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay attempts to follow a clear structure, with an introduction and a conclusion present.

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